#i wish to attend their concert at least once in this life SO BADLY really it’s everything i want and need

[bvidzsoo]

OML that trailer Red Velvet just released?????!!! IT GOT ME CRYING WTF ALL THE REFERENCES AND CALL BACKS???? What the hell I am OBSESSED ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ

[mikrowrites]

just an act (two)

Shawn Mendes x Reader

Shawn feels as though his life is falling apart, so he attempts to try and reach out to Y/N before it’s too late.

The song is “you should be sad” by Halsey!

If you want the full hurt of this story, I suggest listening to it on loop while reading this chapter xx

Shawn wanted to pick her.

A thousand times over, he would’ve said Y/N’s name and found her and consoled her, but he couldn’t. And he hated himself for that.

His contract was strict. Convince fans and the world, even his own damn family that Shawn and Camila were dating, to promote Señorita and get a Grammy win. But he was so fucking tired, and he loved Y/N so much.

Shawn watched Y/N walk out of the ice rink, how strongly and gracefully she walked out of his life. He felt Camila’s hand squeeze his tighter, Shawn turning to see his PR girlfriend on the verge of tears. Camila and Y/N were close friends, this had to be killing her too.

He wanted to run after her, convince her to stay, to explain the contract and win her back. But Shawn feared the damage was done.

——————

Y/N let her fingers softly strum against her guitar, sitting in her lonely hotel room. The acoustic was bequeathed to her by Shawn, and when Karen had brought it to her last night she couldn’t bring herself to part with it.

She began to strum a familiar tune, her voice finally crawling up and out of her throat.

I wanna start this out and say

I gotta get it off my chest

Got no anger, got no malice

Just a little bit of regret

Know nobody else will tell you

So there's some things I gotta say

Gonna jot it down and then get it out

And then I'll be on my way

Y/N began to strum the strings harder, letting the chords dig into her fingertips and her whole body began to shake.

Oh, I feel so sorry

I feel so sad

I tried to help you

It just made you mad

And I had no warnin'

About who you are

I'm just glad I made it out without breakin' down

And then ran so fuckin' far

That you would never ever touch me again

Y/N screamed out the last lyric, her voice cracking in the end as she dissolved into sobs, gripping the fret tighter. Tears hit the wood with a soft thump.

She let her head bow over, broken sobs wracking her body. She let the grief and heartbreak consume her one final time as she stared out her wide hotel room window at the nighttime Toronto skyline.

After ten minutes her tears dried, Y/N running her hand along the smooth mahongany of the guitar, before lifting it and gently setting it in its hard plastic case, snapping it closed.

To Y/N, it felt like a burial.

——————

Morning broke in Pickering, Shawn shuffling downstairs, exhausted. He couldn’t sleep all night, much less close his eyes without seeing Y/N. He wished he had know how badly this would hurt, he never would’ve signed that goddamn contract.

Manuel and Karen fluttered about the kitchen, Karen washing fruit as Manny cooked eggs. Aaliyah was setting the table and at the sight of Shawn, she glared and slammed the last fork on the table, leaving the room.

His parents looked up at the sound, but once watching the scene unfold they silently went back to their duties.

Shawn felt a lump grow in his throat, turning and rushing up the stairs. He burst into his childhood room, Camila yawning as she sat up in bed. He had been sleeping in a sleeping bag on the floor, refusing to share the bed with her.

“Shawn? What’s going on?” Camila drowsily asked.

“We need to tell my parents.” Shawn insisted. “We need to break this contract.”

Camila sat up, the sleepiness leaving her senses. “I hate this as much as you do, but Shawn... you’re asking me to put my career on the line.”

“I’ll let you come out spotless,” Shawn pleaded, stepping forwards to the end of the bed. “Mendes’ aren’t snitches.”

“Well, you’re about to become one.” Camila sighed, throwing her legs over the bed. “Let’s do it.”

——————

Y/N threw her backpack over her shoulder, hoisting the straps up upon her frame as she lifted up the guitar case. She graciously thanked the receptionist, walking out of the hotel lobby.

As her taxi maneuvered Toronto traffic, Y/N became lost in her thoughts, watching the buildings for the last time.

She smiled at the sight of the coffee shop where Shawn and herself had their first date.

Chuckled seeing the street corner where they first met, when Shawn had found her busking to pay rent.

Stared dreamily looking at the bookstore where they sat for hours, reading (but really catching glimpses over the books).

Y/N was shaken out of her memories by the familiar tune of “Perfectly Wrong” playing on the radio. Ironic, Y/N grumbled in her head.

“Excuse me, could you please change the radio? I’m very sorry...” Y/N mumbled to the driver, who let out a huff but changed it nonetheless.

“Thank you...” Y/N sighed, “Bad breakup.”

The driver looked over their shoulder, their frown loosening. “That sucks kid. Sorry.”

Y/N smiled tightly, looking out the window.

“My girlfriend cheated on me,” the driver continued, Y/N perking up, “and I had to find out by them fucking in my own bed. I was destroyed, and it hurt for a while, but then I found my wife. Thing’s’ll get better. I can tell you that much.”

Y/N finally smiled, genuinely.

“I hope so.”

——————

Shawn and Camila sat across the table from the Mendes family, the boy nervously rubbing his hands. “Before we actually have this conversation, anything that happens, leave Camila’s name out of this. Please. We’re risking a lot, but I’ve already lost too much.”

The family hesitantly shook their heads yes, Shawn running a hand through his hair as he stumbled for words to find out how to start.

“My agent and producer gave me a contract,” Camila spoke up, Shawn whipping his head to her. “Shawn’s agent and producer were present too, he was given the same paperwork. They insisted we pursue a PR romantic relationship to promote our new single.”

“They threatened to leave a stain on our record, that we could be removed from the label if we denyed. We were jumped, and we were terrified.” Shawn continued. “So we signed the contract, because we love to sing, to perform. We signed, because we were scared of what would happen if we didn’t.”

Karen had tears welling within her eyes, Manuel’s face softening.

Aaliyah finally spoke up. “So that kiss...” she trailed off.

“Meant nothing at all.” Camila reassured. “But it cost us the most important thing in our lives.”

“Y/N.” Aaliyah murmured. Suddenly she stood, her chair pushing away with a creak. “You have to go win her back!”

“Liyah...” Manuel began, the girl cutting her off.

“No, you have to! You two were meant to be with each other, you need to stop her from leaving!” Aaliyah cried out.

Karen blinked away the moisture from her eyes, shaking her head. “Honey, that’s—“

“I have to go win her back.” Shawn nodded, looking up at his family and Camila. “I have to go win her back!” He shouted, bursting up as he grabbed his keys, placing a ballcap and sunglasses on his face. Shawn turned to look at Camila, who nervously smiled.

“Go get our girl.”

——————

Y/N sat in one of the uncomfortable chairs outside her gate, the airport chatter dulled by her earbuds. The same song looped through her ears, somehow strangely giving her strength.

But you're not half the man you think that you are

And you can't fill the hole inside of you with money, girls and cars

I'm so glad I never ever had a baby with you

'Cause you can't love nothin' unless there's somethin' in it for you

Y/N took a bite of her toasted bagel, longing for her guitar that was being loaded onto the plane. She longed to go home, where her mother would say “told you so” and she could finally have some peace.

Shawn never came to (hometown/nearest city), not unless he had a concert. Never attempted to get to know Y/N’s home like she had Pickering and Toronto.

She shook her head, throwing the rest of her bagel away and standing as her boarding class was called, shouldering her backpack.

After a long wait in line, maybe ten or so minutes, Y/N finally reached the front. The flight attendant looked up, her eyes growing wide. “Oh my goodness! You’re Y/N L/N!”

Y/N smiled in surprise. “Oh, um, yes! Guilty!”

“Oh, my daughter loves your Spotify singles! She’s your biggest fan!” The woman excitedly gushed, Y/N giggling. She was a very small singer, not even a part of a label, and meeting fans was a rarity.

“I’m honored, ma’am.” Y/N smiled politely.

“Could I snap a quick photo with you? My little girl will freak!” Y/N nodded, leaning over the desk to the woman as she snapped a photo.

Y/N’s grin fell as she noticed a familiar figure running in the background of the phone screen. She turned, freezing as 30 feet away Shawn stopped in his tracks, panting heavily. She could see past his hoodie, hat, and sunglasses, the incognito look was never very stealthy.

“Is—is that Shawn Mendes?! Oh sweet Jesus, I’m having a stroke!” The flight attendant cried.

The two didn’t move a muscle for many seconds. Shawn took a few steps forward cautiously, gauging her reaction.

Y/N broke into a run, dropping her backpack and racing up to Shawn, throwing her arms around him. He staggered backwards, wrapping his own long arms around her, clutching the back of her head with one of his hands. The two embraced each other deeply, letting go of heartbreak, fighting for another chance.

At least, that’s what happened in Y/N’s head.

She instead hardened her face into a glare, turning her back to him. Y/N scanned her ticket, and without another glance walked past the gate, towards her plane and to home.

Shawn’s shoulders slumped, the man feeling the weigh of everything crash down on him. He stumbled backwards, his whole body shaking as he quickly turned, rushing for a bathroom.

Once finding a men’s room, he ran inside, locking himself in a stall and ripping off his hat, his breaths growing ragged and hard, as if he were drowning in air.

Shawn sank to his knees, grasping his curly hair with his fingers as he slid down the wall onto the dirty tiled floor, tears cascading down his face.

Shawn wanted to rip up that fucking contract, destroy his reputation. He wanted to scream it from the rooftops, loud enough she’d hear, loud enough the whole world would hear.

It was all just an act.

To be continued in part 3...

[smileyjaeminies]

Love Again

Synopsis: Childhood friends, to strangers, to… Nothing? Jae is quite the puzzle, figuring him out won’t be the easiest thing you do. But you do want to try.

Word Count: 4,2 k

Genre: childhood friends au!, concert au!

Warnings: none

Member: Jae, ft. the rest of Day6

A/N: I had so much fun writing this work. I tried to make the concert experience a lot like my own, although I have never gone to a Day6 concert. I gathered all my information from Google so sorry if anything is different from the actual concert!

         Waking up in yet another chilly morning in Korea, you think of every step that has led you in this dorm, in a country quite literally across the world from your home. The university you attended offered almost all its students the opportunity to study abroad for a whole semester, to learn, see and explore, not only the country and your studies but also one’s self.

         Most students jumped at the opportunity to leave home and travelled within the first year. Not you. You wanted to keep your head in the game, to fall in love with your studies before falling in love with another country.

         So there you were, only a semester away from finishing your studies, in Korea. Why Korea? Well, why not? It was so different from anything you had known back home… You figured if you were going to do this, you would go all in.

         Being completely honest, K-pop definitely helped. You couldn’t lie to your own self, seeing some of your favorite artists would be a pleasure. There was a certain someone… But you brushed off the thought.

         As you got ready for your day, you conversed with your roommate, Haseul, about this and that. You debated about the days agenda, finally settling on a gallery and lunch afterwards. Heading out, you felt excited, you could tell this was going to be a good day.

         When you arrived at the gallery, you were instantly certain you were going to love it. You thoroughly enjoyed each painting and picture, immersed in each of their mysteries and stories. You took photos of your favorites and posted them on your Instagram story.

         You tried to keep as much of this trip’s memories recorded on your Instagram. You only had a couple hundred followers and all of them were more or less people you knew, a friend of a friend and such.

         As you finished walking around the gallery, Haseul grumbled about being hungry. You wanted to stick around for a while longer, a bright painting of a landscape catching all your attention, but your stomach begged to differ. You complied, allowing Haseul to shine in her own element, searching for restaurants around the area. After going back and forth for a little, you settled down at a small seafood restaurant.

         You opened your phone to document yet another moment of your day, when you found yourself trying to bite down a scream at the message that popped up. You checked and checked again to make sure your eyes were not deceiving you.

         The message stared back at you loud and clear: “You’re in Korea?” His username shone in bright black letters.

         “WHAT THE FUCK?” you finally let out, a little too loud for the other customers’ liking.

         “What? What happened?” Haseul asked, concerned. You couldn’t even speak, so you just handed her your phone.

          “He replied? He actually DMed you?” she asked in disbelief.

          He could only be one person of course. Park Jaehyung, Jae, your childhood best friend. You had met him at first grade, both of you a little more than toddlers. You became fast friends with the boy with big framed glasses, who didn’t like toy cars as much as you did but still played with you.

          However, fate had different plans for you. After almost three years of knowing one another, you had become inseparable. A change in your mom’s career would turn that around, making you move to Canada.

          You believed that to be the first time you had known heartbreak. Jae took the news just as hard. When you left, you both vowed to call at least once a week and to never forget each other. The latter was obviously easier, one could hardly forget Jae, his bright nature and big heart making it hard not to love him. The first proved to be harder. First you forgot, then him, then it completely fell out of habit. You were little kids, so he slipped your mind, until one day you didn’t even miss him anymore.

          That changed around a year ago. You had met up with a few friends from uni when someone announced that his best friend would be joining the group. The minute he started walking towards you, you couldn’t mistake him for anyone else. His big glasses had changed a hundred times over, his hair was now dyed a bright yellow, but his easy smile was always the same. He was Jae.

           You thought that meeting would change everything. You talked throughout the course of the night, catching up. You found out he was in a band now, he was singing and playing the guitar. In Korea! You thought you would be reconnected after that night. Apparently not.

           As abruptly he walked back into your life, he walked right out. Although you had exchanged social medias, no message ever came from Jae. He was following you, but he never replied or even read your attempts at reaching out.

           You were disappointed to say the least. You thought you would have a chance to actually discover the man the little boy you knew had become. You were wrong. But while before your meeting, he was a thought that came and went, a part of a funny memory, now he plagued your thoughts more often than not. Especially in the previous days you had spent in Korea.

           You were shocked. After almost a year of being radio silent… This? How on earth were you supposed to react? You had been in Korea for about 10 days, why did he text only now? As all those thoughts raced through your mind, your phone vibrated in your hand.

           “Where are you right now? Let me know, I’m nearby” the message read. Seemingly impossible, your heartbeat sky-rocketed. You almost felt dizzy as you looked at Haseul in disbelief.

           “I’m gonna… go” she said as she saw the new message.

           You looked at her, lost and still unable to speak. She typed the restaurant’s address along with a simple “See you in a bit” and paid for the things she had ordered. After a quick kiss on your cheek and a “Good luck!”, she was out of the door.

           You sat frozen, trying to calm your racing heart. You tried to look in your head, to find where this anxiety came from. Admittedly, since the last time you saw him, Jae has become a regular thought in your mind. You had followed him closely, his music and performances captivating you every time. In the process, you fell in love with K-pop.

          Dowoon was your official bias, but your eyes always drifted to Jae. A crush? On Jae? It would explain a lot… But no. How could you have a crush on him, you barely knew him anymore.

          Just as you managed to calm down, he walked in. The smile he gave you sent your heart on a frenzy again. He was so effortlessly perfect, clad in black jeans, white T-shirt and black hoodie.

          You got up to greet him and he immediately crushed you in a hug, now several inches taller than you.

          “Gosh, Y/N, it’s been too long!” he said letting go.

          “I could say that I tried… Where have you been?” you asked.

          “Sorry about that… The tour was absolutely crazy! What are you doing in Korea?” he asked sitting down.

         As you explained, he placed his order. You conversed over delicious food, him filling you in on his tour and you on your first impressions of Korea and your classes.

         Talking to him was effortless, just as it had been when you were only children. The conversation flowed to different matters entirely as you “argued” about which flavor milkshake was better and which horror movie was actually scary. At some point, his voice got serious as he got a sip of his beer.

         “I saw you were at The Rose’s live Saturday” he said.

         You had to blush. You had uploaded some stories of you screeching at your bias Hajoon (yes you had a thing for drummers, so what?) and badly singing lyrics back to Sammy.

         “I was” you managed “I had a blast too. They are great performers.”

         “Do you listen to a lot of K-pop?” he asked.

         “Yeah actually, a lot of boy groups to be exact.” You replied, not sure where he was trying to get with this conversation.

         “Oh. So do you listen to my music as well?”

         “Of course! I like your band’s music a lot.”

         “I see… Do you have a bias?” he asked. You could see that he was fidgeting, a sign he was nervous. So that hadn’t changed.

         “I… do. But you’re not going to like it” you told him with a laugh, trying to lighten the atmosphere.

         “It’s Wonpil, isn’t it?” he asked.

         “Close enough, it’s Dowoon” you told him.

         You heard him mutter something under his breath, but he brushed it off when you asked him about it. After that weird exchange, he was right back to normal, laughing and teasing.

         Looking at the time, you realized it should be best for you to go if you wanted to get home before Haseul screamed at you for staying out late. You told Jae and he got up.

         “Where are you going? We haven’t paid!” you said.

         “We have, I paid” he told you.

         “No. No Jae sit down, we should split it! You being a K-pop idol doesn’t let you off! It’s not right!” you said.

         “Y/N, calm down! I only did it because I wanted to. My treat, for your welcome in Korea. Please?” he tried, holding your hand.

         “Fine. Ugh, you can still make me do you bidding, I hate you” you said shoving him slightly.

         “Ha! You wish. You love me” he scoffed.

         “Meh, you can’t prove that!” you said, walking out from the restaurant.

         “Y/N! Wait, there’s another thing. Let me walk you to the subway station” Jae offered.

         “Sure, what is it?” you asked.

         As you walked side by side your heart felt like it would jump out of your chest. Every brush of his fingers against yours, every deep breath seemed to hit you like a ton of bricks. You tried to remain calm and not think about how much you would scream if Dowoon were here.

         “Okay so… I want to see you again. I mean I really felt like shit not being able to talk to you all those months, I wish I could change that. Things were hectic and very different back then. My agency… Well, they have let us off a tiny bit now. What I’m trying to say is, I know I was a dick. And I'm sorry. I’d like to make it up to you.” He finished.

         “Jae you don’t have to. Really, I understand. It wasn’t the best feeling when you didn’t reply, but I know how it is. Did it sting a bit? Yes. Did it suck a whole lot? Sure it did, but I get it. I really do.” You told him.

         “Just let me do this one thing…” he started.

         “You already paid for food! It’s fine, really, especially now that you seem to want to make an effort.” You stopped him.

         “Well, let me do another thing” he said, pulling something out of his pockets.

         When you saw what it was, your eyes opened wide. Your mouth dropped to the floor and you had to bite back another scream. Jae was offering VIP tickets and backstage passes to one of their lives in Seoul. You tried not to fangirl too much but judging from Jae’s amused look, you weren’t doing too well. You opened and closed your mouth, trying to come up with something, anything.

         “Just come to the show… Please? If not for me, for Dowoon” he tried, pulling the best puppy eyes you had seen in a while.

         “Jae… I don’t know what to say. Thank you so much you really didn’t have to-” you started.

         “I wanted to.” He said with determination, pushing the tickets and passes in your hand.

         “Thank you… so much. I’ll be there. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” You told him with a smile.

         By then you had gotten to the subway station where he was supposed to drop you off.

         “I’ll look for you. It’s going to be a bit busy right now, but I’ll try to see you for coffee and muffins as soon as I can. You still like chocolate muffins, right?” he asked.

         “Of course I do. I’ll see you soon” you told him, wrapping your arms around his waist.

         He let go first, dropping you a soft smile and turning around. Just as he was leaving you, you called back to him.

         “Jae!” you called, catching his attention. “If you don’t at least drop a haha at my next meme, I’m not coming!” you threatened.

         He laughed lightly, eyes closing and hands going to his stomach. Your heart did several backflips at the sight, a smile growing in your own face. He nodded in you direction and finally disappeared in the backseat of a taxi.

         When you got back, you had a lot of explaining to do. Haseul was basically sitting at the very edge of the couch, ready to jump on you and shower you with questions the second you walked in. You tried to start from the beginning, telling her everything that happened. When you finally got the tickets out of your purse, she squealed with joy.

         “I’m meeting my husband!!! Oh my God, what if Brian actually falls in love with me? Y/N what am I going to do?” she went on and on.

         You laughed at the sight, making plans to go shopping because Haseul apparently hasn’t “Anything remotely decent to wear”. As you tucked in for the night, you thought back on your day. A smile quickly grew on your face and you fell asleep happier than you’d been in a while.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

         The concert day had felt too far away two weeks prior, but between your classes and assignments, exploring Seoul and meeting all kinds of new people, they flew by in a blur. Now it was the morning of the concert and you and Haseul were getting ready to hit the road, listening to a playlist Haseul made called “Day6 jams”. As you screamed the lyrics in each other’s faces, you took some pictures and finally headed to the venue.

         You arrived early so you walked around, meeting fansites and getting free photocards and goodies from the fans that were there. You stood patiently in line to get your lightband and a shirt for Haseul. You talked about this and that, counting down the hours, then the minutes to the concert.

         Walking into the venue, you were amazed by how many people were already there. Taking your seats, you found that Jae had placed you on his side of the stage. Taking a picture and sending it to him, you wished him a good luck and telling him you couldn’t wait to see them.

         During the two weeks between your first outing and the concert, Jae had kept his promise. No matter how late or early in the day, he found time to reply to your texts, even briefly. You had met up for coffee and muffins as promised, spending hours talking and sharing stories from all you had missed in your lives.

         Jae had held your hand as he walked you to the nearest subway station, making you blush like crazy. After dropping you off, he only said that he was really looking forward to seeing you at the concert, finishing up with a peck on your cheek.

         You didn’t really know what to make of anything that had happened that day or otherwise. It was clear that Jae wanted you back in his life, but as what? You tried not to think about it too much, but the thought chased you at all times, unwanted. Jae was again plaguing your thoughts and staying loyal to Dowoon had never been this hard.

         Your thoughts were drowned away from Haseul, jumping up from her seat and screaming.

         “It’s starting, it’s starting, oh my God!” she shouted, pulling you to your feet and holding your hand tightly.

         Excitement rushed through your veins as the lights dimmed down and five familiar figures arrived on the stage. The song started playing, almost shyly, tasting the waters. You recognized ‘Best Part’ and fangirling mode was: on. Screaming the lyrics back to the members, as well as the fanchants had you breathing heavily but the end of the song.

         You continued being energetic and enjoying each song as the concert went on. When Dowoon stepped down from his drum set to join the boys you let out and huge scream, excited to finally catch a good glimpse at him. The ments from the boys were heartwarming, each one bringing their own colours and interacting with the fans.

         You were on cloud nine, magically transformed and led through a way of notes, lyrics and feelings altogether too intense for your body to handle. You tried to stay in the moment, allowing yourself to feel Dowoon singing in ‘Wanna Go Back’, Wonpil’s melodic voice in ‘Like That Sun’ and Sungjin’s honey vocals in ‘I Smile’. Haseul held your hand tightly and cried during Brian’s parts in ‘I Need Somebody’, constantly screaming “WHO HURT YOU?”.

         The boys’ solo stages were sprinkled throughout the concert, making you excited for what was to come next. Everyone was at the top of their game that night and you would be lying if you said you didn’t tear up as well at some songs.

         As the night progressed, the boys took the stage to say some final words before the encore. Jae was the last one to speak up, but judging by the look on his face, he looked as happy to be there as you were. You marveled at all of them, sweaty and still pumped up from the energy the fans were giving them.

         “So you guys, sadly the encore is about to begin which means the end is soon approaching” he said into his mic and the crowd screamed their disappointment, you included.

         “I know, I know, sad times indeed. But I’d like to share with you all a reason why I’m so happy tonight.” He stated and the crowd screamed their support.

         “Well, you see, there’s a very important person in this crowd here today, a person I cherish very much. They were lost to me for a while. But now I got them back. And I thought I’d take this moment right here to say that I love them. And I don’t think I want to let go” he finished and his gaze stayed to where you we sitting.

         His gaze flashed through you, finding its target right into your heart. You were star-struck, tears filling your eyes and blurring your vision. You felt Haseul enveloping you in a hug and trying to calm you down. You could hear ‘Freely’ playing in the background as you realized the truth you were trying to avoid for too long.

         The final songs passed by in a whirlwind of emotions, you trying to come back to the concert, but your mind straying away to one certain boy. You couldn’t take your eyes off of him, his eyes shining as he sang and played his beloved guitar.

         As the last notes of ‘Better Better’ filled the air, the end of a beautiful concert had come at last. Final goodbyes were being said and Jae stuck around to wave to your side of the venue. You were waving back, although you doubted he would see you.

         After the boys went backstage, everyone was up and in a hurry to leave. You and Haseul sat back down to catch your breaths before heading backstage.

         “Are you okay?” she asked, testing the waters.

         You looked back at her, giving her a smile. Since the first time you had met her back home, Haseul had been a very thoughtful friend, always taking good care of you and loving you so much with her big heart. Coming back to her, even in a strange country, felt like coming back home.

         “I think I’m okay” you finally managed, easing her worried stare. “It was an intense concert…”

         “It sure was. You think you’re ready to head back?” she asked, seeing the concert hall emptying.

         “Let’s go meet your future husband” you told her, taking her hand and walking towards the backstage.

         Showing your backstage passes to the guards, you were lead though a narrow corridor with doors on either side. You arrived at a final door that read “Artist” and had the Day6 logo right below it.

         As you were pushed inside, you tried to silence your mind. You needed to be yourself, be genuine. Try to enjoy this. Walking into the room, you called “Hello?” with a small voice.

         All the boys’ attention was now on you and Haseul. You tried hard not to panic and gave them a small smile which spurred them into action. They all got up to greet you together. Jae started walking towards you, a huge smile on his face. You decided to stir the pot a little, walking completely past him and into Dowoon’s arms. He laughed into your hair and your heart soared at the sound. After some hesitation, he wrapped his own arms around you and held you.

         “I’ve been so excited to meet you, you don’t even know. I need you to know that I see the effort you put in. I appreciate you so much, I’m so super proud of you. I can’t wait to hear more from your singing, please keep pursuing it, it suits you so well. You are so amazing, so so talented I swear.” You rambled. You would go on, but judging by his amused stare you’d already said too much.

         You moved on to Wonpil, hugging him tightly. “Hi” he said, half-laughing.

         “Hey. I don’t need to tell you this but please never stop singing. Your voice touches so many people, it’s unreal. So don’t stop okay?” you asked.

         “Okay, I won’t” he cutely answered back with a smile.

         You hugged Sungjin quickly and stepped back to look at him in the eyes.

         “Thank you for putting up with them, I don’t know how you do it. You are always deeply appreciated, I hope you know it. The way you allow every song to live through you is something I’ve never seen before. I’m sorry Jae is the way he is, I think I may have something to do with that.” You admitted

         Sungjin only shook his head. “Jae is just… Jae. Thank you though.”

         You moved on to Brian, hugging him tightly. “Your songs are too fucking real. I swear to God everything you write either comforts me greatly, or touches me in ways I don’t even understand… Thank you and also what the fuck.” You told him and you both burst into laughter.

         “Thank you as well, you guys are the best” he answered.

         “You bet we are!” Haseul said from behind you.

         Jae was purposely left for last. You had done your best not to look at him before greeting the others, afraid he would read right through your gaze and into your heart. Turning to him now, you were faced with his expectant stare. He opened his arms wide.

        “Saving the best for last?” he jokingly asked.

        You walked into his arms, burring your face in his neck.

        “Saving the most special for last” you whispered as you squeezed his waist.

        “Really?” He asked, his tone low. His whole demeanor had shifted, no trace of the joking, playful look he had given you only a second before.

        “Yes really. I heard what you said out there, which was stupid by the way. Now your company is going to be all up in your ass. But I feel the same way. I think I have for a while.” You said, smiling up to him.

        “Really?” he repeated.

        You laughed and buried your face in his neck once more, hugging him even tighter than before.

        “Y/N” Jae started, cupping your face in his hands, thumbs caressing your cheek.

        “If they make out right here, I swear I am going to barf” Brian announced.

        “Nooo, look, it’s so romantic” Haseul cooed.

        Jae placed a kiss on your cheeks between your giggles. “Later” he promised.

        You didn’t know exactly what that promise would entail. Probably an abundance of sleepless nights, face times and texts. But you were willing to find out. For all the hugs and kisses, the smiles and the jokes.

        “We’ll see” you told yourself.

[zayashmaya]

some marvus angst alphabet headcanons

im bored and feeling some type of way so lets get truckin’ folks

a - accident (would they blame themselves if you died in an accident?)

- absolutely, marvus has a savior complex that’s quite beforus-style due to how he perceives purplebloods and their role in society. he wants to be the protector for his lover, and failing to do so would shatter his high opinion of himself regarding his ability to keep them safe. his mind will constantly be flooded with thoughts of how he could have done things differently, if he had just had security follow you around, or kept you locked away safely in his hive, none of this would have happened. he should have known better - alternia is a dangerous place. b - break up (how would they deal with one?)

- aloof, aloof, aloof. at worst, he would play it off as though he didn’t really care, and at best he would be understanding and try to remain friends (although he quickly realizes he can’t do that, it hurts too much, so he ghosts his ex). marvus isn’t the type to date officially to begin with, and if he does then he goes all in. breaking up would have him revisiting where things went wrong. little, random things would remind him of his ex, and he would find himself missing them. c - crying (are they much of a crier?)

- nope, he cried when he was a wiggler if he skinned his knee or something but ever since he embarked on a career in entertainment, he learned to keep his true feelings to himself. d - death (how do they deal with any death?)

- he is very, very good at handling death. he’s a killer himself, and surrounds himself with death on a daily basis. the clown cult taught him early in life to get rid of his discomfort with dead bodies and murder and all that fun stuff, so by now he is utterly desensitized and looks upon it with mild disinterest. - if someone he loves dies, that’s a different story. first of all, it is hard for him to openly love someone to begin with. so if someone manages to break down that barrier, all of those teachings from clown church fly out the window. if his lover dies, he will bear this burden for the rest of his life, and it will be a weight that cannot ever be lifted. he will be more violent during his concerts, more erratic with his work life, drowning himself in hedonism to help himself forget the pain and loneliness, but it will never go away. e - emotion (what’s the emotion they tend to push away the most?)

- sadness. marvus haaaaaates moping around and thinking about stuff that upset him. he thinks he could do far more productive things, and he certainly works himself to the bone or hangs out with his friends to distract himself. this dude rarely deals with his own feelings, despite how introspective he tends to be. f - frustrated (how much would it take to push them off the edge?)

- i feel like it varies. if things are going well for marvus, he doesn’t usually get pissed, he’d probably take it all in stride and figure things out with a level head. but if he’s already in a bad place, then adding to the situation will make him frustrated and grouchy. g - great pain (what is the most painful thing they have witnessed?)

- the first time he witnessed a lowblood being sacrificed at church. he still remembers the begging and screaming. h - humiliation (how could they be humiliated?)

- if someone looks down on him. i think this is where his hatred of sea dwellers comes from; he doesn’t like feeling like someone is better than him, especially when they haven’t earned that status. being forced to submit to the whims of his superiors is something that pisses him off more than anything. i - injured (how do they handle themselves when injured?)

- shrugs it off, no matter what. we saw a classic example of that during his bad end after his limo exploded, and despite him eventually acknowledging he got hurt more than he thought, he still looked at the brighter side of things. j - jittery (which part of their past makes them flinch or even worked up?)

- genuine intimacy. he is totally unfamiliar with it. pailing and sensuality, he has no problem with. violence, no biggie. but vulnerability and expressions of love? he’s ready to simultaneously crawl out of his skin and yet chase after those caresses. he’ll get accustomed to them eventually, and once he’s comfortable with intimacy, you best believe he will be the biggest cuddle bug. k - kill (would they kill for revenge?)

- marvus prides himself on his self-control. he allows murder and mayhem at his concerts, and even instigates them, because all of this is done at his discretion. killing for revenge out in the open would make him feel like he lost that self-control, which he is loathe to do. so i think he would handle matters personally, either one-on-one where no one else can see and the camera crew is gone, or he will hire an assassin to do his dirty work. l - loss (what was their greatest loss?)

- i imagine he might have had close lowblood friends among his profession when he first started, and he was probably forced into a situation where they got killed in a match with him during slam or get culled. m - mistakes (how much do they want to fix the mistakes of their past?)

- marvus is probably the type to have very few regrets. he believes that everything that’s happened to him has taught him an important lesson, so changing the past would change his perspective and who he currently was. o - outrage (what makes them angry?)

- needless to say, cocky sea dwellers who overstep his boundaries and make him feel like shit. also people who invade his privacy. he puts a lot of effort into letting the public see what he wants them to see, so if someone goes the extra mile to breach the very little privacy he has left for himself, he’s gonna be livid. he also has absolutely no tolerance for anyone daring to insult his lover in any way. someone will lose their life for that. 

p - pressure (what stresses them out to the breaking point?)

- honestly, i think he would never lose his composure like that in his line of work. it’s the issues that might arise in his private life that he will be unprepared to handle, since he tends to leave things unspoken and doesn’t deal with issues head-on. so when the tension between him and his lover starts to overflow, he doesn’t know how to handle it because he never learned coping mechanisms or how to properly analyze his feelings. basically, his own feelings will overwhelm him. q - qualify (what part of themselves do they see as dangerous?)

- his charm mixed with his detached facade. marvus thinks that chuckle voodoos are only a small part of what makes him dangerous. his ability to win over anyone through his personality and manipulate them into doing what he wants is what he considers to be his strongest asset. t - time (what if they had limited time to live?)

- if single, marvus immediately comes to terms with it and spends his time doing what he loves, making music and making his fans happy. if taken, he will still accept his fate to some degree, and he would stay strong for his lover until the very end. but deep down, he wishes he had more time with them. so he spends his last days entirely in their company. they are all that matters to him. u - urge (how badly do they get the urge to see you after separating?)

- if he goes on tour, the first few days, maybe week, is easy peasy. marvus is very independent and driven, and when he has a lot of duties to attend to, he will absolutely focus on them. but once he starts thinking about his lover, how he misses their warmth and laughter, it’s like a switch is flipped. he starts getting antsy about getting back to them. there’s definitely a whole lot of texting (sexting too for sure), phone calls, you name it, he even buys them a bunch of gifts for them. - if his lover is the one who goes somewhere and he has little to occupy himself with, he’s going to be THE neediest bitch on the planet, and he will try to convince you to come back as soon as possible if he can. sends them lots of texts about how much he misses them. when his lover returns, he’s waiting at the door like a housewife watching her soldier husband return from war. in both instances, he’s gonna need at least a week of your undivided attention. v - vent (how do they get rid of feelings they find unnecessary?)

- he raps about his problems! that’s how the feels jam sessions go for him (with chixie ok, there’s no one else better equipped to handle this situation). y - yearning (do old memories make them yearn for your touch?)

- he thinks about the first time you ran your fingers through his hair, when you stroked his bare cheek after he removed his face paint for the first time in your presence, the way your fingers graze along his alien features and committing them to memory, little things like this that he always remembers and craves more of.

[datesoma]

ENNEAGRAM .

LINK. GO HERE AFTER COMPLETING. Feel free to shorten your results!

Type 4, THE INDIVIDUALIST

The Sensitive, Introspective Type: Expressive, Dramatic, Self-Absorbed, and Temperamental

Type Four in Brief

Fours are self-aware, sensitive, and reserved. They are emotionally honest, creative, and personal, but can also be moody and self-conscious. Withholding themselves from others due to feeling vulnerable and defective, they can also feel disdainful and exempt from ordinary ways of living. They typically have problems with melancholy, self-indulgence, and self-pity. At their Best: inspired and highly creative, they are able to renew themselves and transform their experiences.

Basic Fear: That they have no identity or personal significance

Basic Desire: To find themselves and their significance (to create an   identity)

Enneagram Four with a Five-Wing: "The Bohemian"

Key Motivations: Want to express themselves and their individuality, to create and surround themselves with beauty, to maintain certain moods and feelings, to withdraw to protect their self-image, to take care of emotional needs before attending to anything else, to attract a "rescuer."

When moving in their Direction of Disintegration (stress), aloof Fours suddenly become over-involved and clinging at Two. However, when moving in their Direction of Integration (growth), envious, emotionally turbulent Fours become more objective and principled, like healthy Ones.

Type Four Overview

We have named this type The Individualist because Fours maintain their identity by seeing themselves as fundamentally different from others. Fours feel that they are unlike other human beings, and consequently, that no one can understand them or love them adequately. They often see themselves as uniquely talented, possessing special, one-of-a-kind gifts, but also as uniquely disadvantaged or flawed. More than any other type, Fours are acutely aware of and focused on their personal differences and deficiencies.

Healthy Fours are honest with themselves: they own all of their feelings and can look at their motives, contradictions, and emotional conflicts without denying or whitewashing them. They may not necessarily like what they discover, but they do not try to rationalize their states, nor do they try to hide them from themselves or others. They are not afraid to see themselves “warts and all.” Healthy Fours are willing to reveal highly personal and potentially shameful things about themselves because they are determined to understand the truth of their experience—so that they can discover who they are and come to terms with their emotional history. This ability also enables Fours to endure suffering with a quiet strength. Their familiarity with their own darker nature makes it easier for them to process painful experiences that might overwhelm other types.

Nevertheless, Fours often report that they feel they are missing something in themselves, although they may have difficulty identifying exactly what that “something” is. Is it will power? Social ease? Self-confidence? Emotional tranquility?—all of which they see in others, seemingly in abundance. Given time and sufficient perspective, Fours generally recognize that they are unsure about aspects of their self-image—their personality or ego-structure itself. They feel that they lack a clear and stable identity, particularly a social persona that they feel comfortable with.

While it is true that Fours often feel different from others, they do not really want to be alone. They may feel socially awkward or self-conscious, but they deeply wish to connect with people who understand them and their feelings. The “romantics” of the Enneagram, they long for someone to come into their lives and appreciate the secret self that they have privately nurtured and hidden from the world. If, over time, such validation remains out of reach, Fours begin to build their identity around how unlike everyone else they are. The outsider therefore comforts herself by becoming an insistent individualist: everything must be done on her own, in her own way, on her own terms. Fours’ mantra becomes “I am myself. Nobody understands me. I am different and special,” while they secretly wish they could enjoy the easiness and confidence that others seem to enjoy.

Fours typically have problems with a negative self-image and chronically low self-esteem. They attempt to compensate for this by cultivating a Fantasy Self—an idealized self-image which is built up primarily in their imaginations. A Four we know shared with us that he spent most of his spare time listening to classical music while fantasizing about being a great concert pianist—à la Vladimir Horowitz. Unfortunately, his commitment to practicing fell far short of his fantasized self-image, and he was often embarrassed when people asked him to play for them. His actual abilities, while not poor, became sources of shame.

In the course of their lives, Fours may try several different identities on for size, basing them on styles, preferences, or qualities they find attractive in others. But underneath the surface, they still feel uncertain about who they really are. The problem is that they base their identity largely on their feelings. When Fours look inward they see a kaleidoscopic, ever-shifting pattern of emotional reactions. Indeed, Fours accurately perceive a truth about human nature—that it is dynamic and ever changing. But because they want to create a stable, reliable identity from their emotions, they attempt to cultivate only certain feelings while rejecting others. Some feelings are seen as “me,” while others are “not me.” By attempting to hold on to specific moods and express others, Fours believe that they are being true to themselves.

One of the biggest challenges Fours face is learning to let go of feelings from the past; they tend to nurse wounds and hold onto negative feelings about those who have hurt them. Indeed, Fours can become so attached to longing and disappointment that they are unable to recognize the many treasures in their lives.

Leigh is a working mother who has struggled with these difficult feelings for many years.

“I collapse when I am out in the world. I have had a trail of relationship disasters. I have hated my sister’s goodness—and hated goodness in general. I went years without joy in my life, just pretending to smile because real smiles would not come to me. I have had a constant longing for whatever I cannot have. My longings can never become fulfilled because I now realize that I am attached to ‘the longing’ and not to any specific end result.”

There is a Sufi story that relates to this about an old dog that had been badly abused and was near starvation. One day, the dog found a bone, carried it to a safe spot, and started gnawing away. The dog was so hungry that it chewed on the bone for a long time and got every last bit of nourishment that it could out of it. After some time, a kind old man noticed the dog and its pathetic scrap and began quietly setting food out for it. But the poor hound was so attached to its bone that it refused to let go of it and soon starved to death.

Fours are in the same predicament. As long as they believe that there is something fundamentally wrong with them, they cannot allow themselves to experience or enjoy their many good qualities. To acknowledge their good qualities would be to lose their sense of identity (as a suffering victim) and to be without a relatively consistent personal identity (their Basic Fear). Fours grow by learning to see that much of their story is not true—or at least it is not true any more. The old feelings begin to fall away once they stop telling themselves their old tale: it is irrelevant to who they are right now.

[honmakurara]

Gr8est full Osaka report

Yeah I know I’m (several months) late in writing this report, but:

1) DVD & Blu-Ray are up so I'd honestly love to read the opinion of more and more eighters about this con;

2) the truth is that the Gr8est concerts I attended in Osaka last August left me a bit shaken, for I think it was impossible not to deal with a eighter's feeling, after all.Anyway, since 2018 has gone, 2019 has started and maybe (maybe) I'm coping slightly better with my "Subaru feels", I feel like I can now write down a more relaxed report. Let's try, at least!

I feel very grateful I am in this fandom. Thanks to awesome Eighters I met back in Rotterdam for Misono Universe preview, I was able to attend Gr8est concert twice in Osaka last August. Since 2018 has been a terrible year for Eito, I deeply wished I could go and cheer for them live, but due to various constraints + the fact that I literally live on the other end of the world, I could not take it for granted, not at all. Still, I hoped. And that's why I deeply appreciate the effort and the exquisite kidness of people who allowed me to be there; more than anything else, even more than the concert itself, I have to say this gentleness touched me very, very deeply. Thanks to this, I met new Eighters and I'm, like... in love with them already. Both Eito & Eighters. I really hope I can go back to Japan and meet them again, one day. As for what the concert itself is concerned, to be honest, rather than a full report, at first I thought I was okay with writing just a quick report about how Eito members are handling this Gr8est Tour (that you will find HERE as "6nin eito, musically speaking").I made also another quick post HERE, right after the con.But as day, weeks and months passed by, I thought it was better to write down my personal memories because... they fade. So, sorry if you're going to read quite a messy, random and biased "report"... that's it! A creepy baby voice belonging to an animated Gr8est Baby (lol) introduces the concert... (I do actually wonder to whom that voice belongs... too creepy XD) BAND SESSION: Just like in Jam, the ouverture of the concert has been given to MUSIC (and I like it, because it ROCKS). Just like the mention written on the Tshirt tour "we'll make you forget it with our rock." Exactly. 1. Otou Seyo: unpopular opinion... I didn't like this song. Yeah, it was band-like even in the PV but, I don't know... I couldn't find anything special about it. Anything worth remembering/singing. Well, this tour definitely made me COMPLETELY change my mind (and I like it very much when the brats that Eito are DO that... it's so much like them, making people fall for their every work sooner or later. We are doomed XD)This song was (is) perfect: sung and played like never before, I'd say, strong and powerful and amazing. Everyone sang very focused-like, and above all I can still remember the strength of Ohkura's drums, its sound dominated (very beautifully, very impressively) every. other. sound. I swear. It was incredible to hear, to the point I can still feel its echo even now. I'm sure the DVD will also give justice to the beauty that is this song.If I have to say, I'd say that Eito started this con with a real blast! In between the two songs, Ryo made his initial speech. Very long, straightforward and even cute. He did refer to Subaru and to Eito's will of going on. Gosh, I wanted to hug him. He looked incredibly cool, tender and sweet at the same time. Yeah I know he's a good actor (thus pretty convincing), so it's not like we know how he truly felt like during that moment, but... I want to believe in what he said, being happy and eager to enjoy Eito+Eighters time together. Also, maybe it was just my impression, but it seemed to me like they took "longer pauses" between one song and another, during the band session (while in JAM it was one right after another). Maybe this was also made "for Yasu's sake" in order to let him recover better (or maybe I'm wrong... I just noticed these pauses were quite longer than last year). 2. Koko ni shikanai keshiki: SO GREAT. I'm very very happy this song was in the setlist because I've always, always loved it. It's also very nice for "opening" a concert after Ryo's speech. Oh, and btw during this song Ryo was amazing. 3. Noroshi: another unpopular opinion, I don't like this song. It never grew on me despite all the times they performed it during concerts since winter Eightertainment, on television and so on. Yeah, the PV is pretty cool, and also the lyrics. But it's not King of Otoko to me, I can't help it. Just like Oto Seyo, though, I changed idea after hearing it at this concert. I don't know exactly what's different from before, maybe it's the way Eito seemed to pour all their will power into this song... it turned out great, anyway. I also thought I would have missed Subaru's vocals here but, luckily, I didn't (which is something. Sasuga Eito). 4. Itta Janai ka: Aww, cuties! don't ask me whether they changed lyrics during their solo parts in this song, because I have no idea, I couldn't catch their words XD (I do remember Eighters laughed and cheered for them, anyway XD) What I can remember is also that the stage started moving forward, "Jukebox-like", and this is so freaking cool. Technically speaking I loved that choice in Jukebox because, I mean, can you imagine having to shift a whole band of people with a whole set of electronic instruments while singing and playing o_O? Exactly. I loved it! 5. Nagurigaki Beat: a song that grew on me slowly but steadily. I had the impression the dome was particularly "on fire" during this song, or maybe it was just me XD 6. Kokoro Sora Moyou: I've liked this song for so long that I was almost "surprised" it could be part of the setlist (when, unfortunately, Tsuyoku Tsuyoku Tsuyoku did not make it...) . It was soooooo lovely to hear. 7. Heavenly Psycho: okay, now, the feels and the confession. As far as I never liked the original song (with Uchi's presence... sorry, he's not my cup of tea) and I never really understood why Eito are so fond of this, I came to fall deeply in love with its "updated version" they sang during Genki con/DVD. I cried a river because it was too beautiful and because Ohkura was not there (being ill in the hospital). Hearing it live, OMG, I think I froze. To the point I didn't manage to enjoy it as I wished (yeah I know it's stupid but this was what happened), on my first day. The following day I felt better and I started crying when they played it, so I think I'm helpless XD 8. BJ: I'm deeply in love with this song, but I was so nervous during Heavenly Psycho that when I first heard the beginning of this song, I didn't even recognize it. Then, half of my mind went "OMG they're playing this one right after HP, they want me dead" and the other half was "mind going blank." Also, Ohkura's voice faltered during his lines (that I AM IN LOVE WITH), so... ç_ç I know it's not Ohkura's fault, but my heart clenched in pain with him during this song. Same as HP, the following day I cried a river. 9. Zukkoke Otokomichi: this song belongs to Yoko fully XD It's all I can remember about it, with Yoko taking the lead and being basically everywhere during the song (it's probably not like this, but my biased mind is... biased XD). Oww I loved it sooo much, the "sped-up" version is so freakin' cool!!! 10. Musekinin Hero: by this time, if I remember well, the moving stage had gone back to its original place, while my poor feelings had not, especially when Ryo decided to go around here and there and everywhere while playing the guitar Anyway I don't think I have mentioned so far how badass Yasu was while playing, during EACH of the band songs XD It was a pleasure to see he was able to move freely and more. Also there was a time during one of the first songs (KNSKeshiki?) when he joined Maru's spot and Ryo did the same and omg they played in circle facing each other and it was just too cool! 11. Life: oh this is so tough. What this song means to both Eito and Eighters, both before Subaru's departure and after that. I really hoped they would include this one in the setlist because it's, like, some kind of identity card of who they are, what they could achieve, what they can aim for, the way they've always struggled to see the light, the way they've never given up. Never ever. This song is precious and carries a deep meaning, but also a sort of "burden", I think, after it was the last one they sang with Subaru (with Ryo finally crying out his pain). Re-starting as Eito had to pass through this (and go on through Koko Ni), so even if they didn't play it flawless (Maru is a bit unsure sometimes, vocally speaking, when playing Subaru's lines, and Ohkura was really struggling to sing properly -I don't think I'll ever forget his bent head while singing-), it was too precious and I cried. I wanted to sing it along with them, but I had to stop midway because my eyes were so teary I wasn't able to see nor the boys nor the big screens anymore. So, well... I'm very happy that this song keeps staying by their side always. 12. Omoidama: other tears, okay. Maybe I remember very badly but for this song, Eito stood up and sang it all lined up on the main stage. This song carries extraordinary beautiful lyrics so maybe it's no wonder that I gave up again and went teary (again!), especially seeing Ohkura conveying his everything into this song. I like Omoidama, it always gave me positive thinking; at least until Eito performed it one last time with Subaru on television, and I don't know even know why, I felt so moved I cried. During this live concert, once again. MC I understand very, very little Japanese, and Eito during MC change topic every half a minute, so I have to confess I didn't get most of their talks. I think they started talking about nicknames? or the way people calls them at work? Something like that? Memorable thing was Maru anyway (bless him) that made a few incredibly resembling monomane about the different firework types... A-WE-SO-ME XD Yasu was sent behind the stage to rest, and I also witnessed cute Ryo making sure Ohkura got his own water bottle before giving back the empty bottles to staff guys :p 

Second part of the concert: 

13. Ima / 14. Hesomagari / 15. ER2 / 16. Gamushara Koushinkyoku: during this parts Eito went on the little moving stages (dunno how they're called) and despite the fact that I don't like Ima (I like the lyrics and the PV, but not the frilly dance), I was blessed with a Tatsu rapping his everything during ER2 right above me (well he was not exactly near but I was so dumbstruck he is REAL, so please forgive me)... so when I saw the DVD preview with him screencapped exactly during that moment, omg, the feels!! 

Solos: 

17. Watashi Kagami: I cried. 18. TORN: I was speechless. 19. PanPanda: I died from cuteness. 20. Love&King: I grinned like an idiot XD 

Okay, on a more serious note:

17. Watashi Kagami: my fave about Yasu's solos, I was so hyped and dokidoki, and Yasu looked so tiny (well, I was far away) all by himself on stage but at the same time his presence and his soul was HUGE and I was blown away during his performance. I relaxed down completely, and hearing him was like having the sweetest lullaby ever. I cried. I really loved, loved loved it utterly. I'm so grateful I could hear this live. 18. TORN: ahhhh. I'm not coherent. Quite differently from Watashi Kagami, I kept being too hyped/dokidoki/nervous all the time during TORN so I cannot say I enjoyed this as I wished but still, I'm so happy I was there. I went to the cons with no spoilers about the setlist BUT the solos, and back then when I heard about TORN I couldn't believe it and was even scared and panicking bc, what if they only played it in Sapporo? what if they changed the part of the setlist like they did for winter Eightertainment? I know it's incredibly stupid and selfish of me but I went into all kind of idiot thinking bc I wanted to see them SO MUCH çoç Then, well, I really was there ♥♥♥ One day I was in arena () and I witnessed Ryo GRINNING like an idiot (in love) when he came on stage for TORN, before his own part started. He's in love, yeah I know U_U No I'm not coherent about this, sorry! SORRY! Oh but did you see Ryo SMILING LIKE AN IDIOT also during his dance part together with Tatsu çOç??? 19. PanPanda: two cutieeeeees! During this cuteness I manage to collect all the pieces of my heart that had melted during Watashi Kagami and TORN... 20. Love&King: when Takatsuking project first began, long ago, I wasn't that eager, but he slowly grew on me with time and this perf was epic! TORN presence during Love&King was so funny, I might have fangirled more on this rather than TORN itself, maybe because TORN does not give you the time to THINK, actually King on his throne was THE BEST XD 

Game corner: Ohkura Tik + another thing whose purpose I didn't exactly understand, but it was funny to see and I saw TORN again dealing with this thing together, so my feels were a mess XD Ohkura Tik corner was terribly stupid and cute and the best thing ever. Seriously.

The Yokohina part here is definitely my fave, and whole dome squealed as much as I did, so I was double happy XD

 21. Hibiki / 22. Namida no Kotae: two quite "Ohkura-centered" songs to begin with, I'm not very fond of those but several parts had me moved. As said above, Ohkura's voice was off but he tried his best, I remember him bending forward so much, nearly crouching in order to sing better (?) and he nonetheless smiled all the time. It was kinda painful to see ç__ç 

23. King of Otoko / 24. Tsumi to Natsu / 25. Clover / 26. Maemuki Scream: during this part here I have barely memories because they went around on carts and the fangirl that is in me tried desperately to look everywhere at the same time. Sorry. Eito were as energetic as always and I really enjoyed watching them going around, not to mention all Eighters doing the dance moves just like them omg so perfect!!! so skilled!!! I'm a fan of Eighters also XD 

27. Osaka Romanesque: I think I have been very very lucky hearing this in Osaka. I remember when they mentioned lyrics of places I had been into just a few hours before, and I burst into tears from feels and I felt I wanted to hug Eito and Eighters and the whole dome at the same time. It gave me shivers and it felt very special. Encore 28. Sweet Parade / 29. Panorama / 30. Aoppana I don't like Sweet Parade/Panorama very much, but they're okay songs for an encore, so I didn't stop from fangirling here x3

31. Koko Ni: ah, this. Even Eighters barely remembered the lyrics bc it was the newest song, and Eito in Osaka didn't play it yet as we saw that in Tokyo or Fukuoka, I mean, hugging each other or being the usual idiots. But still, the overwhelming feeling this song spread on the whole dome when they sang it is... I cannot describe it enough, I guess. They sang it one beside another, like Hibiki, but at the same time they played it from the bottom of their hearts, with all the love and feels they carried. When I walked back to my hotel, my legs were jelly beans, my feels were a mess and I couldn't even realize I had just come back from Kyocera Dome. All I could hear in my mind was Koko ni. Ugh ♥

Random things: 

1. I attended the concert of 25th August 2018 in Osaka... yeah, the anniversary of Eito Kansai debut Two years ago, on that very same day, I attended my very first Eito event (Recital in Nagoya), which is still so precious to me *_* 

2. It was my very first time attending a concert at Kyocera Dome, my first time in an arena seat (!!!! on Saturday only, close to a spot where Ryochan performed torn), my first time being freaking nervous before/during/after the concert. The following day I relaxed down quite a lot. My memories about the concert come straight from Sunday only, while as for Saturday, I have mostly a black-out. 

3. despite the arena seat, our area got zero gintape, but I am very happy anyway because a friend of mine offered me a green gin tape... my treasure çOçEighters are really the best  I am sorry that I was so much "blacked-out" during the cons that even of my very very very favourite moment, the final one when Eito join hands and so do Eighters, I only have blurred memories. But the lingering, beautiful feeling is always there, though.

It wouldn't be fair of me to even try making a comparison between GR8EST and JAM, that I both attended, because if last year everything seemed perfect, now we now that it wasn't exactly like so (after Yasu's surgery and Subaru's idea of leaving already in the way) and this latest tour proved how Eito tried their hardest to start again from scratch and from -literally- body and soul deep injuries. They didn't come out unscathed but they really, really opened their own heart up to eighters in order to share a good time together. I've said this before, Ryo was impressive and amazing all the time. A cutie, a cool guitarist, a still a bit awkward "leader" but always very humble in his attitude, even during the 'least important' of moments of the show. It really impressed me how he made sure that every Eito member took their drink during MC, how he brought back the empty bottles... maybe a very ordinary gesture, but so caring, and he wasn't even supposed to do that himself. While Ohkura's attitude broke my heart because he was obviously unwell with his voice off and his desperate attempts to sing 'well' anyway. He drummed with all his might and soul, and he waved energetically (with that SOFT arms of his) even to the most far away upper seats. He later said he felt like he received tons of love in Osaka and by reading that I melted, even though the day of the concert I didn't melt, I just squealed like an idiot despite being very far, so I feel really the biggest idiot ever XD Anyway. Teeny tiny Yasu isn't teeny tiny anymore. He might have been recovering, but he was very sassy when playing the guitar and never showed any mercy to his fragile body, I'd say O-o He was impressive and so is his voice, growing very fast and very beautifully. Maru is a softie. What would we do without Maru's gags XD? We know he's hurt the most by Subaru's absence but, again, he never let those feelings overshadow the show, the music, the other members. Yoko and Hina, papa and mama, mama and papa. Yoko, to me, was like watching Maru: not letting himself go, giving his very best both on trumpet and on cheering Eighters when he had to. I wanted to hug him so tight!!! And Hina is a steady rock and among all the other qualities of this man, I am really, really thankful he is there to watch over the whole group (and that's how KING+TORN was born 8D - sorry just kidding ^^''). Maybe the Eito we saw during GR8EST weren't the most sparkling Eito ever, but they sure are the guys that risked it all by choosing to go on even this time, despite many hardships, and they won the deal, because Eighters are there with them. On a closing note, I remember Tacchon doing the gay monomane a few times during the con and one last time before saying 'bye, and this time he was with Yasu who tried to imitate him, obviously failing due to his injured waist. This made the whole dome laugh and I found the whole thing honestly so sweet, rather than gross (it'd normally be gross, I guess), because this is just so much like Eito, "find and share the laughter even when normally only some sad/pity thoughts would be there." That's one of the reason why I fell for them, and probably the biggest and deepest one that keeps me tied to them. So despite my tears and my messy feels of those days, I can say it aloud: I'm very proud to be an Eighter PS: god bless Ohkura always for being such a fanboy of his own group and singing the lines of the songs even when he's not supposed to. You damn cutie, I love you!

[fromtheringapron]

WWF Royal Rumble 1999

Date: January 24, 1999.

Location: The Arrowhead Pond in Anaheim, California.

Attendance: 14,816.

Commentary: Michael Cole & Jerry Lawler. Shane McMahon joined commentary for match 4. 

Results:

1. Big Boss Man defeated Road Dogg. 

2. WWF Intercontinental Championship Match: Ken Shamrock (champion) defeated Billy Gunn. 

3. WWF European Championship Match: X-Pac (champion) defeated Gangrel. 

4. Strap Match for the WWF Women’s Championship: Sable (champion) defeated Luna Vachon (with Shane McMahon).

5. I Quit Match for the WWF Championship: The Rock defeated Mankind (champion) to win the title. 

6. Royal Rumble Match: Vince McMahon won the match by lastly eliminating Steve Austin. Other participants included (in order of appearance): Golga, Droz, Edge, Gillberg, Steve Blackman, Dan Severn, Tiger Ali Singh, The Blue Meanie, Mabel, Road Dogg, Gangrel, Kurrgan, Al Snow, Goldust, The Godfather, Kane, Ken Shamrock, Billy Gunn, Test, Big Boss Man, Triple H, Val Venis, X-Pac, Mark Henry, Jeff Jarrett, D’Lo Brown, Owen Hart, and Chyna. 

Analysis

The 1999 edition of the Royal Rumble may be one of the most memorable in the history of the event. Let me clarify, mind you, that memorable doesn’t necessarily mean great, as this show is far from it. But few capture the spirit of the Attitude Era quite like this one, for better or worse. The WWF is reaching enormous heights in popularity thanks to its brand of crash TV. The fans in the arenas are submerging under a tidal wave of crass, neon signage. The matches are constantly booked with run-ins and outside interference. Storylines move have more twists and turns than a Mario Kart course. When the product isn’t serious and gritty, it’s campy and oversexed. Everything has the vague feeling of a nu-metal concert. Sure, the era’s success carried on into the early 2000s, but you can’t deny the time period in which this show takes place is smack dab in the middle of the Attitude Era vortex.

And you really can’t acknowledge this time period without mentioning Vince Russo, the man responsible for turning the WWF into a barrage of Jerry Springer theatrics and all the bad taste that comes along with it. Under Russo’s watch, every member of the roster is given a storyline It’s wonderful to learn that, say, Steve Blackman and Dan Severn are feuding or that the J.O.B. Squad and The Brood are feuding. It should be noted, however, that this doesn’t mean every member of the roster is given a good storyline because it’s still Russo at the end of day and there’s going to be content that’s varying degrees of problematic. Still, giving everyone something to do is a great idea and certainly one of the hallmarks of the Attitude Era that WWE should implement today.

On the other hand, one thing is they should not implement today is basically try to stuff an entire episode of Raw into the Royal Rumble match, which is what happens here. As I explained in my ranking of the Rumbles, the match isn’t boring. There’s just so much going on that there isn’t really a lull but, amidst all of that, the actual Rumble feels like the least important thing. Sure, there’s all the intrigue of Austin vs. McMahon at its zenith, but it’s a story so big that it can’t help but overshadow considerable portions of the match. Plus, it leaves the winner options pretty limited. Either Austin wins for the third year in a row, a logical choice but wouldn’t fly in an era that would deliver swerves just to avoid the predictability, or McMahon wins, which everyone would know to be a ruse the instant it happens. Literally anyone else winning would seem out-of-the-blue.

The Royal Rumble undercard, no matter how good it may be, always feels like something to pass the time until we get to the main attraction. This show isn’t an exception to the rule, but it does feature one of the most legitimately brutal contests of its era: the I Quit match between The Rock and Mankind. We, 20 years later, know so much more about the dangers of unprotected chair spots but the late ‘90s was a much different time where wrestlers were upping the ante on risky high spots just to pop a crowd or a TV rating, much to the detriment of their own health. It’s weird how there’s a spot where Mankind gets thrown into an electrical circuit board and people kinda forget about that now. The real spot of the match is Mick Foley is shedding years off his career, and possibly life, by taking a series of legit, unplanned chair shots to the head. It’s hard to watch now, but it’s the rare occasion where an undercard Rumble match may be more remembered than the Rumble itself.

As a whole, Royal Rumble 1999 isn’t the most satisfying Attitude Era show, but it does gives you a good taste of an extremely popular time in wrestling history. Just don’t try to consume the whole thing all at once. For every good idea in the era, there’s a bunch that don’t work, and like Mick Foley on that January night, the WWF doesn’t seem to know when to call it quits.

My Random Notes

Of course, this show’s coverage on the documentary Beyond the Mat is a huge reason why it’s so memorable. Does it get any more real than watching Mick Foley take all those chair shots as his children look on in terror?

This show immediately got me thinking about the WWF Attitude game I had for the Game Boy Color, which I rage quit several times because I never knew how to pin an opponent or get up off the mat.

I had the privilege of watching this show live on pay-per-view and I was so pissed that Mr. McMahon won the Rumble that I swore off wrestling, which only lasted like two seconds because it didn’t stop me from watching WrestleMania XV. Whoops!

Ugh. I also wanted Gangrel to win the European championship so badly and he got so close on that botched pinfall. I was such a mark for him. Heck, I’m still a mark for him.

Oh, and looking back now, I wish Luna Vachon was women’s champ at some point. It’s actually next-level sad that storyline never came full-circle.

Kudos to the dudes in the front row bopping along to the Oddities and The Brood entrance theme. I bet they were delightful at, I’m assuming, the several Korn concerts they attended back in the day.

Imagine being so pathetic that you actually find the time to make a sign that merely says “Sable is Old!” and then wave said sign just so it can be seen in front of a live pay-per-view audience. Some fan was that pathetic on this particular January evening. I mean, wow.

I can’t just not mention the amazing Mr. McMahon training montages leading up to this show. I still quote the whole “I HATE AUSTIN!” thing pretty often.  

Terri Runnels accompanies D’Lo Brown to the ring by, um, performing an interpretive dance?!?

You know what? Kane’s character development throughout 1999 is amazing to watch. They did such a good job of making him a more relatable, human character.  Easily one of the best parts of the Rumble is when he wrecks shit and receives a major pop for it. For someone whose character is so prone to jokes and truly execrable storylines, it’s great to remember all the times when he’s been, excuse the pun, fire.

On Chyna entering the Rumble: This seems like a fairly minor step forward now in the time of the all-women’s Royal Rumble but for as much as Chyna is thrown in the discussion of trailblazers in the Women’s Revolution, she’s still pretty much on her own level. Sure, there’s all the talk of her as the first woman to do this and that, and rightly so, but nobody has quite thrown up a middle finger to the whole concept of gender quite like Chyna did. No wonder she’s a queer icon.

[raskoolz]

Insight on Enneagram Type 4

Excerpts from: The Enneagram Institute

THE INDIVIDUALIST Enneagram Type Four

The Sensitive, Introspective Type:

Expressive, Dramatic, Self-Absorbed, and Temperamental

Type Four in Brief

Fours are self-aware, sensitive, and reserved. They are emotionally honest, creative, and personal, but can also be moody and self-conscious. Withholding themselves from others due to feeling vulnerable and defective, they can also feel disdainful and exempt from ordinary ways of living. They typically have problems with melancholy, self-indulgence, and self-pity. At their Best: inspired and highly creative, they are able to renew themselves and transform their experiences.

Basic Fear: That they have no identity or personal significance

Basic Desire: To find themselves and their significance (to create an   identity)

Enneagram Four with a Three-Wing: "The Aristocrat"

Enneagram Four with a Five-Wing: "The Bohemian"

Key Motivations: Want to express themselves and their individuality, to create and surround themselves with beauty, to maintain certain moods and feelings, to withdraw to protect their self-image, to take care of emotional needs before attending to anything else, to attract a "rescuer."

The Meaning of the Arrows (in brief)

When moving in their Direction of Disintegration (stress), aloof Fours suddenly become over-involved and clinging at Two. However, when moving in their Direction of Integration (growth), envious, emotionally turbulent Fours become more objective and principled, like healthy Ones. Learn more about the arrows.

Type Four Overview

We have named this type “The Individualist” because Fours maintain their identity by seeing themselves as fundamentally different from others. Fours feel that they are unlike other human beings, and consequently, that no one can understand them or love them adequately. They often see themselves as uniquely talented, possessing special, one-of-a-kind gifts, but also as uniquely disadvantaged or flawed. More than any other type, Fours are acutely aware of and focused on their personal differences and deficiencies.

Healthy Fours are honest with themselves: they own all of their feelings and can look at their motives, contradictions, and emotional conflicts without denying or whitewashing them. They may not necessarily like what they discover, but they do not try to rationalize their states, nor do they try to hide them from themselves or others. They are not afraid to see themselves “warts and all.” Healthy Fours are willing to reveal highly personal and potentially shameful things about themselves because they are determined to understand the truth of their experience—so that they can discover who they are and come to terms with their emotional history. This ability also enables Fours to endure suffering with a quiet strength. Their familiarity with their own darker nature makes it easier for them to process painful experiences that might overwhelm other types.

Nevertheless, Fours often report that they feel they are missing something in themselves, although they may have difficulty identifying exactly what that “something” is. Is it will power? Social ease? Self-confidence? Emotional tranquility?—all of which they see in others, seemingly in abundance. Given time and sufficient perspective, Fours generally recognize that they are unsure about aspects of their self-image—their personality or ego-structure itself. They feel that they lack a clear and stable identity, particularly a social persona that they feel comfortable with.

While it is true that Fours often feel different from others, they do not really want to be alone. They may feel socially awkward or self-conscious, but they deeply wish to connect with people who understand them and their feelings. The “romantics” of the Enneagram, they long for someone to come into their lives and appreciate the secret self that they have privately nurtured and hidden from the world. If, over time, such validation remains out of reach, Fours begin to build their identity around how unlike everyone else they are. The outsider therefore comforts herself by becoming an insistent individualist: everything must be done on her own, in her own way, on her own terms. Fours’ mantra becomes “I am myself. Nobody understands me. I am different and special,” while they secretly wish they could enjoy the easiness and confidence that others seem to enjoy.

Fours typically have problems with a negative self-image and chronically low self-esteem. They attempt to compensate for this by cultivating a Fantasy Self—an idealized self-image which is built up primarily in their imaginations. A Four we know shared with us that he spent most of his spare time listening to classical music while fantasizing about being a great concert pianist—à la Vladimir Horowitz. Unfortunately, his commitment to practicing fell far short of his fantasized self-image, and he was often embarrassed when people asked him to play for them. His actual abilities, while not poor, became sources of shame.

In the course of their lives, Fours may try several different identities on for size, basing them on styles, preferences, or qualities they find attractive in others. But underneath the surface, they still feel uncertain about who they really are. The problem is that they base their identity largely on their feelings. When Fours look inward they see a kaleidoscopic, ever-shifting pattern of emotional reactions. Indeed, Fours accurately perceive a truth about human nature—that it is dynamic and ever changing. But because they want to create a stable, reliable identity from their emotions, they attempt to cultivate only certain feelings while rejecting others. Some feelings are seen as “me,” while others are “not me.” By attempting to hold on to specific moods and express others, Fours believe that they are being true to themselves.

One of the biggest challenges Fours face is learning to let go of feelings from the past; they tend to nurse wounds and hold onto negative feelings about those who have hurt them. Indeed, Fours can become so attached to longing and disappointment that they are unable to recognize the many treasures in their lives.

Leigh is a working mother who has struggled with these difficult feelings for many years.

“I collapse when I am out in the world. I have had a trail of relationship disasters. I have hated my sister’s goodness—and hated goodness in general. I went years without joy in my life, just pretending to smile because real smiles would not come to me. I have had a constant longing for whatever I cannot have. My longings can never become fulfilled because I now realize that I am attached to ‘the longing’ and not to any specific end result.”

There is a Sufi story that relates to this about an old dog that had been badly abused and was near starvation. One day, the dog found a bone, carried it to a safe spot, and started gnawing away. The dog was so hungry that it chewed on the bone for a long time and got every last bit of nourishment that it could out of it. After some time, a kind old man noticed the dog and its pathetic scrap and began quietly setting food out for it. But the poor hound was so attached to its bone that it refused to let go of it and soon starved to death.

Fours are in the same predicament. As long as they believe that there is something fundamentally wrong with them, they cannot allow themselves to experience or enjoy their many good qualities. To acknowledge their good qualities would be to lose their sense of identity (as a suffering victim) and to be without a relatively consistent personal identity (their Basic Fear). Fours grow by learning to see that much of their story is not true—or at least it is not true any more. The old feelings begin to fall away once they stop telling themselves their old tale: it is irrelevant to who they are right now.

[outlawbarbiex]

I used to do these fuckin’ things constantly. Let’s kill some time while my laundry is drying. :P

What’s your favourite cereal? I’m not a huge cereal person, but my favorite would probably be frosted shredded wheat.

Is there a bus stop near your house? Yeah, I’m sure.

Do you prefer red wine or white wine? Red.

What’s the last airport you were at? Why were you there? Probably Nashville’s airport. I think I was there when I went to visit Tiffany in Orlando a few years ago.

Who do you live with? I recently moved in with my boyfriend and his mom.

Do you read reddit? If so, how often and what subreddits do you like? Yeah, sometimes. A good friend of mine got me on it a year or so ago. My favorite sub is probably Let’s Not Meet.

Have you recently broken up with a significant other or even just a friend? Yes, actually. I ended a seven-year relationship about a month ago.

What’s the weather like today? Is it nice enough to go outside? It’s cloudy and sprinkling, but still feels rather nice.

Do you know anyone who’s had a baby recently? Not that I can think of.

Have you used a pen or pencil today? What did you write down? No.

What does your last text message say and who is it from? Tiffany said, “Ironically looked at his twitter yesterday and he had in his bio ‘don’t cry at my funeral’ or some Shit. I was like uhh 0.0 I’m hurting for her :/ I kno she loved him.”

Can you count how many times you’ve seen your favourite film? No, I can’t. I’m not even sure I could pick just one favorite.

When was the last time you ate marshmallows? It’s been a long time. I’m not a fan.

Do you listen to any podcasts? How do you listen to them? No.

How old will you be in the year 2030? 38. Ew.

How often does the kettle in your house get used? I’ve never seen them use a kettle.

Does your skin bruise easily? Do you have any bruises right now? What from? Hahaha. I have some bruises and hickeys. 😉

What was the last thing you spent $150 or more on? Fuckin’ bills and groceries. Other than that, probably makeup.

Do you prefer yes or no questions or more open-ended questions? I like both.

What brand of toilet paper do you usually buy? Quilted Northern.

If I knocked on your door right now, would you be acceptable dressed? For sitting at home, yeah. I’m in a tank top and pajama shorts, as always

Why did you leave your last job? I moved back to Nashville.

What colour were the last socks you wore? Black.

Have you ever eaten at a restaurant and left without paying? Once, but I went back and paid the following day.

What was the last thing that made you laugh out loud? Darrell trying to act like he was pissy with me.

What’s your favourite scent of air freshener? Um, I’m not sure if I really have a favorite.

How many weddings have you ever been to? Five or so.

Do you know anyone named Nora? No.

Are your hands and feet in good condition or could you do with a mani-pedi? I could use a mani-pedi. The polish is chipping off pretty badly, especially on my fingernails. I’m awful at painting them.

When was the last time you played a board game? What did you play? I’m not sure, which means it’s been far too long. I love board games.

How old were you when you first became sexually active?  15.

Have you ever been to a festival for beer or other type of alcohol? I think so.

Do you own a record player and/or vinyls? No. I had a few vinyls, but I left them with my ex.

When was the last time you went out for drinks? A couple of weeks ago, I think. I typically drink at home.

Have you ever been to a strip club? No.

What’s your favourite kind of smoothie? Blueberry or mango.

Have you taken out the trash today? Not today.

How often do you wear make-up? I’ve gotten so into makeup over the past six months or so, but I’ve been slacking lately with everything else that’s been going on. I wore a bit yesterday, though.

What’s your opinion on The Simpsons? I’ve never watched a full episode.

Do you prefer horizontal or vertical stripes? Vertical.

What’s your favourite brand of deodorant/antiperspirant? Secret.

Do you know anyone who has been through a divorce? Yes.

If you had the money, would you take taxis everywhere instead of driving? No, I have my own car.

Have you ever done a juice cleanse? No.

Do you have any friends who you can’t decide if they’re attractive or not? No.

Is the inside of your fridge clean right now or does it need a clean out? It’s pretty clean.

When was the last time you washed the dishes? A few days ago.

Are there any magazines that you read on a regular basis? No.

Do you have to pay for parking in most places in the town/city you live in? Yes.

What’s the first thing you tend to do when you have a headache? Take Ibuprofen and drink caffeine.

Can you hear lots of traffic from your house? Does it bother you? No. Our apartment faces the back of the complex away from the road.

Have you ever had proper Canadian poutine with the squeaky cheese? No.

Do your parents know how to operate smartphones and/or computers? Yes, my mom more than my dad.

When was the last time you wore a uniform of any kind? What colour was it? Thursday when I went to work. It’s all black, at least until I get my blue shirts instead.

Have you ever lost enough weight to drop a dress size? Yes.

Do you own Monopoly? Is it the original or a special version? Yes, I have Fallout Monopoly.

What was the last thing you said out loud? “Okay, have fun.”

You have to choose one: cats or dogs? Cats.

Would someone being either a cat or dog person effect you dating them? No.

How do you travel to and from work? I drive or carpool with my boyfriend.

Do you primarily use cash or card for your purchases? Why? Card. I hardly ever have cash.

Have you ever been to a stadium concert? Yes.

What’s your favourite flavour of soda, pop or whatever else you call it? Mello Yello.

What level of brightness do you usually keep your phone at? I typically keep it as low as it will go, but it automatically adjusts to the lighting.

Have you ever attended a religious or private school?  No.

Do you have any pets and are they cuddly? I left my cat with my ex.

What’s the worst job you’ve ever had?  Fucking Captain D’s. I took the first job I could find when I was taking care of my mom after her surgery. It was the most miserable four months of my life.

How many cars does your household own?  All three of us have our own cars.

Do you know anyone named Edward or any nickname of that? Yeah, my brother-in-law.

What time do you usually have dinner?  I think we typically end up eating between 6-7 PM, but it varies.

Are there any cracks or scuffs on your phone?  Probably. My case is busted.

What’s your favourite meat? Steak.

Do you need glasses to read or drive or need them all the time?  I don’t wear glasses, though lately I’ve been thinking I could use them while driving at night.

How did you celebrate your last New Years Eve?  Man, I don’t even remember at this point. I don’t think I did much of anything.

Is the internet fast where you live?  Yes.

What is your favourite meal of the day and why?  I love breakfast foods, though lately I haven’t been eating breakfast most days.

Do you like long surveys or short surveys better?  Either are fine. I used to do these things constantly.

Xbox, PlayStation or neither? PlayStation.

Have you ever been to a cocktail bar? Yes.

Do you consider yourself a fast typer? Yes.

What’s the best amusement park you’ve ever visited?  I’ve only ever been to Beech Bend.

Do you keep the cabinets in your kitchen and bathroom organized? Yes.

Have you ever had a romantic fling?  Yes.

Are you a very forgetful person?  Sometimes, though it’s not as bad as it used to be since I’ve stopped smoking pot.

What was the last movie you saw in the cinema?  Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2.

What colour is your shampoo?  It’s like… silvery gray.

Are you doing anything tomorrow?  Yes. I need to go to the old apartment and get the last load of my things, take my ex a couple of things, grocery shop, etc.

Do you know anyone who’s gotten pregnant over the age of 40? Not that I know of.

Who does most of the grocery shopping in your home? My boyfriend’s mom, though I went with her last week and probably will this week, too.

Are you listening to music right now?  Yes. Wish U the Best by Blackbear.

What was the last thing you had to eat? An oreo cheesecake blizzard from Dairy Queen.Bottom of Form

What would you say is the worst part of high school, period?  Probably the cliques.

What is your favorite color of apple? Red, green or yellow?  Red.

How old will you be on your mother’s 68th birthday? Is that ‘old’ to you?  36. I suppose that’s not too old.

Ever thought you were dying of something you weren’t even close to having? Probably.

Ever want to be a doctor? Is it because of all the hospital shows?  Yes.

What do you think of all these reality shows that try to alter personality?  I don’t know or care. I’m not a fan of “reality” television.

Where are your favorite pair of shoes in the whole world right now?  They’re at my old apartment.

Do you live anywhere near a mall? Which one exactly?  I think the closest one is probably Rivergate.

Do you like drawing smiley faces or do you think they’re overrated?  Uh, they’re fine.

If you were dying who would you say goodbye to first out of everyone?  My nephews, I guess.

Are you someone who actually likes to babysit children?  I typically don’t mind.

Do you ever have those ‘ah ha!’ moments? Do those annoy you? Yes, but they don’t annoy me.

Do you hardly ever remember where you put things at?  No.

When is the next time you’ll eat a cupcake, if you know when?  I don’t know.

Does your family go on a lot of vacations? Are they more boring or exciting?  Unfortunately, no. I was actually talking to Betty about this a couple nights ago.

Where did you last buy socks from? What do those socks look like?  I bought some plain black crew socks from Walmart a few weeks ago.

Do you ever lay in the grass and look up at the sky, just because?  It’s been a while.

When do you normally go to sleep on the weekends?  I’ve been going to bed about midnight every night for past few weeks.

Have you ever met someone with the same ‘biggest fear’ as you? Probably.

Do you ever have movie nights with your significant other?  Yes, though it’s been a couple of weeks. I got him to watch Orange is the New Black with me before the next season so we’ve been grinding those out.

Would you rather write with a pen or a pencil? Why is this? Pen. It’s smoother and lasts longer.

Do you like candy bars? Are you trying to slack off of them?  They’re okay. I don’t eat a lot of candy.

Who was the last person to call you fat, if anyone at all?  I don’t know or care.

What color skin does the last person you danced with have?  White.

What is your favorite number? Is it significant with your life?  My favorite number has always been three, though I’m not entirely sure why.

Does anyone ever constantly act like a pervert around you?  Hahahahaha, something like that.

Are you afraid of being kidnapped if you go outside at night time?  No.

Has your mother ever called your school because of your grades?  Yes.

What is the worst name a friend has ever called you? Do you remember?  I don’t remember, but they’re probably not that great of a friend if they’re seriously calling me names.

The best field trip you’ve ever been on; where was it to anyway?  Umm, probably a farm I went to as a kid, I guess.

In the next twenty minutes, what will you be doing and where will you be? I’m going to finish this, smoke a cigarette, get my clothes out of the dryer, put them away, and take a shower.

Do you like showers or baths better? Why did you choose your choice?  I prefer showers. They make me feel more clean than baths do and hot water is a must.

Do you have a religion? Is it the same as your best friend’s?  I’m not religious, no. I’m more spiritual, as is my best friend.

Are you a controversial person? Do your views oppose other’s?  I have some views that differ from people I know, yes.

Have you ever thrown a surprise party for someone? Who for?  Not that I recall.

Do you work? If so, have you ever been fired, then rehired from the place?  I work. I’ve never been fired.

Can you tell when people are lying or telling the truth?  Sometimes.

What would you say your average word per minute time is on the keyboard?  I have no clue. I can type pretty quickly, though. I’ve been using computers for as long as I can remember.

What is your least favorite class in school? Why is this?  I always dreaded math classes because it didn’t come naturally to me like English did.

Do you bite your fingernails or tap them on desks? I tap them.

Have you ever wanted to be in a band? What position exactly?  When I was younger, I wanted to be a singer or a drummer in a band.

Who is your role model or hero in life if you have one?  I don’t know if I really have one.

Do you ever call your cousins just to talk to them randomly?  I don’t think so. I’m not very close with my extended family.

When did you last spend the night at someone’s house?  A few nights ago before I actually moved in.

Do you find any of your friends’ parents creepy or really mean?  No.

Do you ever have to wash your clothes at someone else’s house?  No.

When is the next time you’ll go to the library? Why is this?  I have no idea.

Do you like fiction or non-fiction books more? What’s your favorite?  I tend to prefer non-fiction. The Harry Potter series will always be my favorite.

Do you constantly have to be told to shut up? By who?  No.

Ever have a drug overdose? What did you OD on exactly?  No, but I’ve probably had alcohol poisoning before.

Have you ever wanted to change your skin color because you’re not satisfied?  No.

Do you know how to play pool? Are you any good at it?  Yes. I used to be pretty damn good when I played all the time, but I’m sure I’m rusty now.

Do you treat others as you’d like to be treated? Have you always?  I try to.

Were you a really mean kid or a sweet and quiet kid?  Both at different points of my life.

Have you ever been beaten up by someone before?  No.

Are you someone who likes to get in arguments or fights a lot?  No.

[smoldinopup]

SHINee World FIVE - Nagoya

A fan account that isn’t really one

I won’t write anything down in detail, and I also won’t tell you how blessed I feel or how beautiful every single one of them looks, because that’s something that everyone knows. It’s just a collection of snippets that stuck in my memory the most, and my humble, personal thoughts about my experience at a Japanese concert of SHINee.

It’s not even in a particular order, bear with me…since I wrote it down as I remembered it right after the concert.

Nagoya Day 1

I always knew that Japanese fans adore Taemin, but I wasn’t aware to what extent. He only needed to breathe and all surrounding panties dropped. You know how parents aren’t supposed to have a favorite child or if they have one to not show it so openly at least? Well, if Japanese fans were the parents and SHINee their children, it would be quite obvious who their favorite is.

Another short collection of worth mentioning moments when the audience squealed in delight:

A close up of Key’s lips and eyes after his first line in Dream Girl

Taemin’s ‘my girl’ during Downtown Baby, which resulted in a squeal from the crowd that could be heard in the neighboring city. I’m sure of it. Taemin was so embarrassed... :’)

Jonghyun’s embarrassed, cute hunching shoulders. When did it become his trademark? Did he read somewhere that fans go all ‘awwww’ when he’s doing it, so he continues doing it…because he wants to see us all in hell?

A close up of Jinki’s face while wearing glasses (he doesn’t wear that cute sweater anymore, though. I was a little disappointed, because I was so looking forward to seeing him in that sweater…maybe another ‘my Gucci burned somewhere’ accident?! They also might just have changed it to something more spring-like)

Every single time Minho’s smile was broadcasted onto the screen. Taemin might be everyone’s favorite child, but Minho is by far the most entertaining one out of the bunch. You want fan service? He serves it to you on a silvery plate decorated in flowers and a cherry on top.

There were some few accidental Jongtae moments. When Jonghyun helped Taemin to find his IEM (Key helped as well in the end, and took a look into Taemin’s shirt…obviously the fans were screaming) During sweet surprise (I think) the camera angle was a little wonky and it looked like Jonghyun was about to eat Taemin (wouldn’t be surprised if Jonghyun had thought about this at one point in his life)

During the beginning of Your Number Minho continued to yell ‘ame…ame…ame’ (rain) more than actually scripted, what everyone in the hall including their grandmother found extremely adorable…

Taemin talked probably the most after Key. Key who seems to be the main MC wherever he goes or whatever language is required. As mentioned above Japanese fans adore Taemin, and hang onto every word he says….it’s adorable. However, there are also a ton of Key stans in Japan. I saw so many Key badges and signs. I was pleasantly surprised. 

I stood next to a very loud Minho fan, and during one break when SHINee were gone, there was one fan who screamed Minho very loudly, so everyone started laughing.

The VCRs are golden, and I can’t wait to see them on DVD, especially the whole Lucifer mermen aesthetic in its full nakedness has to be savored in its completeness from the beginning to the end. There is just so much naked skin shown off in a very aesthetically pleasing way >_<

Minho is such an energetic bundle of pure joy, and his hips are no lie! Also, his voice during Mr. Right Guy is seriously no joke. No wonder that his throat hurts afterwards, but it gave me all sort of feels. Also that red suit he wears during this performance!? Well…thank you stylists for putting him into it! His legs look even more glorious in those red pants…

That ABOAB performance is really lit. I didn’t know that they also stand on swings! But then again, I refrained from watching too many fan cams, because I didn’t want to spoil the whole concert for me. Jonghyun looked quite relieved when he was able to get off the swings again, but Taemin seemed to enjoy himself a little too much. All in all this performance looks so dangerous, and I was gasping throughout while the boys climbed around the requisites like monkeys.

They all looked adorably surprised when the video for their 100th concert in Japan came on. Their faces were precious, especially Minho’s and Taemin’s…meme material right there.

They were so out of breath all the time. I mean it’s understandable with the way they perform, but it was hilarious to watch. Especially Key and Jinki seemed like two old men at times. :’)

Jinki messed up his part again in the acoustic set, and was very apologetic afterwards. Key continued to nag at him for failing so often, but then said something along the lines that this at least shows that it’s a live performance.

Taemin complained of having gained weight in North America, and that he’s fat now. I wonder if he gained that weight in his little toe, though.

Jonghyun was rather quiet in comparison. He still made jokes and was adorable as he can be, but he talked less. I don’t know if that has something to do with the Blue Night after feels, or if he just didn’t feel like talking that much, or maybe he did talk much…it just appeared to me that he talked less (because he could talk all day if it was up to me)

The Shawol ocean is no joke. The diamond lightstick is filled with magic. It gave the whole concert a complete different atmosphere. Tell me your name is such a jam, and the programming of the lightsticks during it was absolutely mesmerizing.

During the Your Number musical performance the crowd was rather quiet during most interactions between the members and their love interest. However, they went wild with cheers when it was Jonghyun’s turn. I still haven’t figured out why…maybe I will today. Possible explanation…the impression Japanese fans have of Jonghyun =/=  the impression many European/American fans have of him…but that’s just a very wild guess.

Most SHINee fans were clad in SHINee merch from head to toe, and love their SHINee bags.  Around 90% ran around with SHINee World FIVE, SHINee World V, DXDXD, or I’m your Boy bags. They also seem to enjoy these name tag thingies quite a lot. I’m personally not a fan of those, but most of the Japanese fans had at least one. I’ve seen one fan in a jeans jacket who had the name tag of every member pinned on the back of her jacket together with other SHINee badges. It looked like she was a member of a kawaii SHINee biker gang.

Everyone was quiet during the mnets. I thought that’s really respectful, and I loved that a lot. I hate it when people continue screaming when artists on stage talk *eyes everyone who does that*

When they celebrated their 100th concert, Jonghyun absentmindedly played around with two balloons (at least I think those were balloons), and the camera went onto him in a close up, and everyone went all awwwwwwwwwwwwww on him. He looked adorable when he realized he was shown on the big screen. :’)

They gave Minho silver balloon Mickey Mouse ears during the thanking speech…another aww moment. ^^ All in all...a concert with a lot of awwww moments!

Nagoya Day 2

Fun Fact: I stood on the North side of the Arena this time, and thought that the entrance would be a different one. So I got in line on the North side of the Arena…and waited…and waited...the line moved…and after 20 minutes I saw a sign that read “Fanclub じゃんけんぽん” and I was like…omg, did I just wait in line for over twenty minutes to play Rock-Paper-Scissors against SHINee? I was about to leave the line, but then thought…pfff If I’m already here I might as well play a round of Rock-Paper-Scissors against Jonghyun. The girl in front of me chose Taemin…of course…like probably 60% of all attendances. I chose rock, Jonghyun paper…and he wrapped me up (well, if that isn’t accurate) I got a Key postcard as a ‘booby price’. There was a whole throng of people standing around who wanted to change their cards against someone else’s. Anyway, it was fun…I will try my luck again in Saitama…maybe I should play against someone else and get Jonghyun’s card as a ‘booby price’??? Mmmhh…I don’t even know if you can play as often as you want to. I have to check the mail they sent out regarding the fanclub booth once again. I also still need to take an awkward photo with the SHINee photo frame they had set up next to the fan club booth...because why not!!!

First things first; Jonghyun twerked in an adorable, cringe-worthy way...it was hilarious. Taemin joined afterwards, and Minho left the stage with a little butt dance… Key looked like he regretted all his life choices once again. :’) I feel you, Key…your band members can be so embarrassing at times.

I was surrounded by the most amazing mix of people this time. :’) There was an elderly lady, probably in her 60’s already, and she had the purest fangirl heart. Most Japanese fans seem to be rather reserved in expressing their fangirl feels at concerts as far as I observed, but this woman was in full on fangirl mode…and I loved watching her so much. She was side-eyed quite badly by some of the attendances, but I loved her right away. She stood there with her lightstick and an Onew uchiwa and danced her heart out, screaming ONEW-SAN!!!!!!! around 9423409891239012 times…She was amazing and I wish her all the health and happiness in this world, and hope that she will be able to attend many more concerts, so she can scream Onew-san some more. I noticed that Jinki seems to be quite popular with the more mature ladies. There were two ladies in her 40s who went crazy over some Onew uchiwa…and most ONEW tags could be found on bags of ladies in their 40s + :’) 

There was also a boy (around 16-18) standing next to me who apparently accompanied his sister, a friend, his girlfriend…who knows. He seemed to not know what to do with himself. He had a lightstick in his hand, but didn’t use it…he just stood there for three hours and probably wondered why he was even there…him and the elderly lady built a beautiful contrast and showed perfectly how diverse the audience in Japan is; from elementary school students to university students, office ladies, house wives, pensioners, and the occasional males thrown into the mix…Fun side note; On my way to Nagoya there was a girl sitting next to me on the other side of the bus, having a fandom colored bag, nails and shoe laces, and owning all sorts of pineapple accessories. Well, for the first 3 hours I didn’t pay her any attention, because someone was sitting next to me, but then I wondered…what if she’s a SHINee fan, going to the concert as well? I tried to figure out if she had actual SHINee merch on her, because you can’t just ask people if they are SHINee fans based on aqua green nails and pineapples. :’) It was an easier time when one didn’t associate random fruits with Kpop idols...I couldn’t find anything and just let her be…However, when we arrived at Nagoya station she put her backpack on the empty seat next to hers…AND there were Onew, SHINee and Taemin badges all over…Oh well…. there was that.

Funny enough…while Taemin talked a lot during the first day, he said almost nothing during the second one. At one point I had to make sure that he was still physical present. Maybe he had already used up his word count for the day. 

But Onew talked a lot on the second day! He seemed to be in a splendid mood, being extra cutesy! I’m sure the elderly ladies were all very excited about that. :’D

At some point – I can’t remember which song – Jonghyun stumbled and suddenly stood in the middle of the lights at the edge of the stage. I was like *gasps* What are you doing, babe??? But instead of taking some steps back, he continued to dance dangerously close to the edge of the stage. Jonghyun, don’t hurt yourself, please!

1of1 was filled with Jongkey…those two were in full cutesy mode during this song…there was even a JongKey backhug! *sees all Jongkey stans raise from their ashes*

Did I already mention that Japanese fans love Taemin? They love him, and he knows it. I don’t mean it in a negative way, they should give him all their love. He deserves it! I just find it so endearing to hear those very high-pitched voices scream Taemin all the time… :’)

There should be more people talking about Become Undone! This song is just soooo good!

I was so happy to see Jonghyun perform to ABOAB and so glad he was on my side during the lifting himself up part! However, this performance has to be so exhausting for them.

Taemin with his cute little dances in between is so adorable! I just wanted to go up to him, tousle his hair and give him a cookie for being so precious! 

So, this was very random, but my mind was in a constant ‘jgmwjdiqwjdksmafk! This is really happening’ mode! It was great to finally see them perform as five even though my view wasn’t the best. I cross my fingers and hope I get better seats for the Saitama and Tokyo concert I’m going to attend. I’m still in the middle of uploading videos, and even though the concerts were just two and three days ago..it feels like weeks have passed already. :’)

[httpskihyun]

22 november 2017

dear kihyun,

my baby!! my angel!! my entire world!! i miss you so so much you don’t even know i’m literally rotting in my seat as i’m typing i’m so anxious and slightly sad but at the same time so in LOVE because of YOU! hhh this is the most informal piece of shit i’ve probably ever gonna write so i might as well make it cringy too 1!!1! firstly i’m incredibly anxious because i go on fucking school camp/hike tomorrow where i’ll spend 5 days climbing mountains with a 20kg+ pack and endless walking each day (apparently the total length is gonna be 60km fml) but whatever :’)) then i’m so sad because i miss your birthday and so many other things i won’t be able to see ur face smiling laughing enjoying your time with everyone else it feels like i’m being stabbed in the heart but i can always watch it when i get back right …

so now let’s take a quick road trip back in time and i’ll try my best to recount how exactly you suddenly became my ult huhuhu … so i started getting into monsta x after newton but i knew you since debut bc my friend is a massive fan of yours so she made me watch some of your stuff haha :D my first bias was hyungwon and i still love him to bits of course! then i had a little existential crisis and practically stanned 4 people at once (at least i’m not ashamed of admitting it /coughs) and most recently before you it was hoseok! i still love him too but i reckon it was rewatching all the music videos and hearing your gorgeous gorgeous voice soothe my mind and my heart … you kinda just dragged me into a never ending pit of Kihyun but i feel kinda proud i fell into your trap before dramarama like everyone else did hahaha :’’’)) alternatively it was your pink hair because i’m a sucker for you being all cute :(( or actually it could’ve been when i discovered the cure to my entire life aka kiho i’m actually trash but ur just so pERFECT NEXT TO HIM HOW

i wish you knew how many times i’ve dozed off in class thinking about you Would You Stop Doing That Please! i’m kidding i think i’m at the point where i’m willing to sacrifice my grades for you HAHA don’t tell my parents but i love you so much? this is crazy?? i’m going crazy??? also this is random but i forgot to talk about your lisp i’m listening to one more step and i keep hearing your lisp and eeee you are the Cutest your lisp is so perfect please don’t look down on yourself for having one because it’s beautiful and it just makes me love you so much more Mister Yoo (i cringed writing that give me a break). you look unbelievably good like a 3 cours- no a 6 course meal i can’t believe i only have like 300 pictures of you on my laptop/phone i must expand my collection vastly hopefully it’ll come with time (also rip my laptop is already out of storage 24/7 the fuck do i do) i gotta say although your pink hair was a killer i love your natural hair colours too especially black and brown and blonde can we just taLK ABOUT STUCK ERA FOR A SECOND i changed my mind i think watching stuck is what transformed me into who i am today who the fuck let you style your hair like that every time i see pictures of That Hair i bust a colossal nut you also know you looked good why was your aim to kill everyone who looked at you??

let’s not forget you cooking oh dear miss emily here has ascended to heaven just thinking about your cooking vlives just you rolling up your sleeve is enough to send my soul into self-destruct mode who the heck let you ever enter the kitchen in the first place i don’t even truST YOU WITH KNIVES you obvious don’t know what you’re doing but you’re so damn cute doing it anyways so i just have to love you god damnit!!! your actually the cutest and so funny too you told everyone to not wear white shirts when cooking but guess what you wore a white shirt in each of your cooking vlives i’ve never wanted to punch you that badly in my entire life jesus christ pLEASE. also never again let minhyuk cook with you a whole onion just doesn’t belong in the spaghetti you assholes.

right so another reason why i look up to you is how you love all the other members! i don’t want to label you as the “mother” of monsta x i mean i see it but at the same time i slightly disagree with it but you just spread so much love every time you smile or hug the other members their faces light up they know you love them and they love you back you’re just so sweet!!! you care for them so much and i’m so grateful i don’t think monsta x would be monsta x without you so thank you for bringing your personality and your unique qualities into the group. don’t change because other people want you to and stay true to who you are because you are wonderful.

one of my biggest regrets is not making the effort to go to kcon aus. i probably could’ve gone … but i didn’t think it would be worth it and in the end it would’ve been hard to find friends who could go anyways. you looked so good that weekend i sincerely hope you had a great time in australia and even consider coming back for a concert if you’re planning any tours in the upcoming years! i swear to god just hearing concert experiences from friends makes me cry on the inside they all tell me you’re tiny irl and i’m tiny too but i can’t imagine you being too small but again you always seem to prove me wrong so i guess the only way to find out and fulfil my curiosity would be to see you in real life and i would definitely attend any concert you’re in man i wish i were lying when i say i would work every bit of my body off to pay for vip tickets and whatever else just so i can see you in real life. i already know my new years resolution for 2018 and that’s gonna be to get a fucking job, see monsta x live in concert and lasting continuing loving you until my heart explodes :)) your smile is so so beautiful my heart flutters every single time i see it it’s always the highlight of my day please continue to throw back your head and laugh it means so much that you’re happy! just the way your flash your teeth all the time and it’s so perfect and your tiny nose scrunch is the cuteST YOU’RE A BABY I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!

i hope you get treated like the prince you are on your birthday and get lots of gifts and love because you deserve the most!! i’m so proud of you baby!!! when you go through hard times be optimistic even though it’s hard, but the end result will be worth it! please continue to love yourself and take care of yourself, your health and happiness is most important to me so please keep it up! you’re never gonna read this but if you ever come across kihyun antis kindly tell them to Back The Fuck Off or i will go over there myself and season their eyelids with salt and pepper ((: stay true to yourself, never give up (i know you won’t) and keep spreading your beautiful kindness! you’re the best man i’ve ever come across in my life and it’s honestly no longer a joke i love the shit out of you you occasionally rip my heart into pieces but that’s totally okay because in the end you manage to mend the pieces back together again <3 thank you so so much for existing it’s cheesy i know but my future just became so so brighter with you in it i won’t ever leave you i promise!! i’ll be here to support you whether the matter be small or enormous i love you my head is spinning i’m going to meet you i can feel it i’m gonna pour all my love onto you when i do and you’re going to be like What The Fuck who is this creep but i really hope it at least puts a smile on your face. i love you i love you i love you i hope you have the most wonderful birthday and i’m still punching myself because i’m the worst person ever because i’m missing it. i’ll be thinking of you on the 22nd, please be safe and stay lovely until then, i love you so much.

[mianhaeomma]

BTS WINGS TRILOGY TOUR NEWARK, NJ MARCH 24th REVIEW

Okay, so I couldn't not attend my first BTS concert without posting a review, so here it is. This was my experience at the Wings Trilogy Tour at the Prudential Center in Newark, NJ for their second night, March 24, 2017.

I wanna start off by saying that I was lucky enough to have gotten a pit ticket, and a Golden wristband. So I was extremely fucking close. Like I could smell them close. At least for the later half of the concert when they moved foward. I still have butterflies. It was my first time seeing them, I spent almost a grand all things considered, and had a miserable time trying to actually make it there, but it was so SO worth it.

I was in the wrong line for a while thanks to someone's misdirection so I was near the back when I first got into the venue (though I later managed to squeeze my through a bit more). The boys opened up with 'Not Today.' If I stood on my tiptoes, I could see their heads. "Twas lit.

About halfway through their set, I was thrown for a freaking loop when BTS came to the closer stage. I was less than 15 feet away from them at most. I guess most of the other girls knew they were coming but I didn't, and I lost my shit.

As a Jimin stan, I remember 'Lost' the most. He was wearing a red sweater looking adorbs, sweaty, and oh so grateful as he smiled, threw his head back, and closed his eyes after the song. I tried to make eye contact with him when we were lit up, but don't think I ever did, his eyes seemed to flit everywhere too fast. He was unfortunately on the other side of the stage for 90% of the remainder, but at one point I'm pretty sure they weren't even doing any choreography, he came to stage left and did a running kick type of thing and just stuck his ass out to our side of the crowd. Cue coronary. He blew me away during spring day, he really is just like a piece of dust flating in the wind. He is fucking art when he dances, this look of complete calm fall over him and he just MOVES and ugh... you had to have been there. Also, I screamed "PARK JIMIN" about 700 times, and I know he noticed at least once bc he smiled real big and then looked away shyly. Jungkook noticed at one point too, and also smiled. I know they didn't know where it was coming from, but I hope they both knew just how loved he is. When Jimin asked us "do you like it?" you know my ass was losing it. I wish SO badly that I could have seen more of him, precious babe <3

From where I was stood, I got to see Jungkook and Rapmon the most, which is fab because they are pretty much my secondary biases. It feels like Rapmon never left our side of the stage. Out of everyone, I could tell how grateful he was. They all were, amazingly so, but he just got this look of being blissfully overwhelmed and enraptred in his fans to where he would cheese really hard and close his eyes and just take it all in. Whenever the lights shined on us, I made sure to dance as hard as I could and show him how thankful I was and that I was having a good time. He pointed at me (or I tink it was me) and we made eye contact at least twice. I felt most attuned to him during the whole thing, and just remember wanting him to know how thankful I saw. I screamed "gomabseubnida" so many times when he said 'thank you' to us. He taught us how to say 'together' in Korean, talked about how we were just like the rainbow we made for them (the Rainbow project was amazing btw, the girls were so so nice and it turned out beautifully), that it didn't matter what color we were, and that the music transcended language. I was 3 seconds from bawling.

As for Jungkook I was lucky enough to have accidentally chosen the side of the stage he stayed on all night. Might just be wishful thinking, but I feel like we made eye contact like 18 times. He did way more fan interactions than I thought he would, I can hardly recall his eyes leaving the audience once. He was forever smiling and nodding at us like he was so happy that we showed up, and that he was so proud of certain lyrics we were able to pronounce. He was so close and so pretty I just gaped, certain that he wasn't real for the majority of the set. I saw that tongue-pointed-in-the-cheek thing he does multiple times right up close. Clean up on aisle my panties. Toward the end, he stole a fan's bomb and played with it, it was really cute. He also somehow ended up with an Iron Man plushie?? lol. Also, I GOT TO SEE JUNGKOOK RAP. It is an experience I highly recommend. YOU MUS BE KIDDIN ME/YOU-YOU MUS BE KIDDIN ME

And J-Hope. Oh my fucking God. That boy SHITS charisma, I have never been so enamoured or charmed in my life. He was working so hard you'd break a sweat just looking at him. He put on a SHOW. It was honestly worth it just to see Hobi in action. You might think you know Jung Hoseok from videos and interviews, but you don't know the HALF of it until you see him perform live. At one point he was vibing with the crowd so hard, saw us dancing, and that boy whipped his fucking water bottle at us, splashing everyone and giving us life. The crowd gave the love straight back to him. He was the life of the party and everyone knew it. The way he stuck his fucking tongue out during 'Dope,' don't get me started.

Yoongi's voice commanded attention. When he talked, the whole place went silent, everyone hanging on his every last word. I lost my voice twice bc of him, once during Cypher bc I was cheering for him going so hard and once when he told the crowd to scream louder and louder. You could tell his own voice was starting to get fucked up, he sounded rough and husky as hell, OH MAN.

Jin's solo performance was one of my faves, his singing voice has improved so much. I don't get how people say Jin is underappreciated, he got so much love, and people screamed their lungs out singing along to 'Awake."

Because of my position in the crowd, severe dehydration (I missed all of 'Stigma' to be escorted to a water vendor :() and my rapt attention to my biases, I didn't get to see to much of the other boys. They were all fantastic though, and I paid them my full attention whenever one of them was talking. As a unit, their English improved a million fold, I can tell they've been studying really hard. Rapmon in particular could pass for a Native speaker no questions asked, even moreso than normal.

Judging by the fan cheers, Taehyung and Yoongi were the most popular (I had to hold my ears closed to stop from rupturing something lol). No surprises there, though I did expect Jimin to get more love than he did. Maybe he is only one of the most popular in Korea?? Idk. I just had trouble finding people in line who stanned him. People did (myself included) go batshit crazy for 'Lie' though. Merch wise, there were a whole fuckton of people wearing Jungkook stuff. Everyone loved Hobi too, ultimate resident bias wrecker he is.

The live band remixes were stunning and well-executed. People flipped shit. BAPSAE!

They released the last part of The Wings skits, and people cheered but I was just confused AF. I was like "okay, time to go home and watch 13 hours of fan theories."

People seemed drained by the time encour came around, and the boys kind of did as well, but there was an overall feeling of mutual thankfulness and a job well done. Part of me wanted to kick some people for not openly enjoying themselves more, especially when the band could see us. I hope I did my part to physically show them the good ass time they were showing me. No offense to anyone, everyone has fun differently. I just personally prefer to turn the fuck up :p

Overall, most surreal experience of my life. The location could have been better, but the people were great and the performance was something you only see once in a lifetime. I'll never forget that day for the rest of my life. It was a riveting, emotional, whirlwind experience that ended way too quickly. They say money can't buy happiness, but I dare you to find me frowning anytime soon, real talk. I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE I GOT DIRTY WATER ON MY FACE-U!!! (X-posted here and here)